When Miley Cyrus and fiancé Liam Hemsworth split in 2013, things went haywire. The singer went on to date a string of men, but nothing lasted. Eventually, the couple ended up finding solace in each other and after four years of separation, got engaged once again. They, however, aren’t the only couple to get back together after a rather public and bitter split. Currently, rumours of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt getting back together are gaining strength. The much-loved couple Anushka Sharma and Virat Kohli also got back together, months after their break-up. Irrespective of how happy these couples are right now, one thing is for sure — there is nothing easy about getting back together after you have separated once. If you thought relationships are hard work, then re-kindling a relationship is even more difficult.
“After a split, people go their ways. They spend time apart and it is during this time that they tend to reflect on their relationships and sometimes, they even start seeing the other person’s point of view and understand their own mistakes,” explains psychologist Pulkit Sharma on why people get back together after a break-up.
Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma
But, doesn’t the adage, ‘Out of sight, out of mind’, work in such situations? Counsellor Rajesh Menon believes that sometimes, the opposite can happen. “Only when people stay far from someone do they realise their value. This time apart is good because one is not influenced by the other person’s presence and one can think better about what they want,” he explains.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
When Miley Cyrus spoke about getting back with Liam, she said that it required them to “re-fall in love” with each other and that, according to experts, is not an easy task.
“People need to accept that during the time apart, a lot of things change, even people. Unless you accept the ‘new’ person your partner has become, it is difficult to start a new relationship. You will also need to make sure that the issues you were dealing with when you split, are resolved before you get back together. Also, the intention behind getting back with your partner is important,” says Dr Pulkit, while Rajesh explains, “Sometimes, people get back together solely because they are lonely. Such instances are plenty, but these relationships don’t sustain.”
So is it a healthy idea to get back to your ex? Rajesh says, “You can’t generalise it and say yes or no, but the only mantra you need to keep in mind is — Learn to ‘accept and not expect’. This will make the transition from ex to current much easier.”
