In a recent interview, actress Scarlet Johansson revealed that her
marriage to Ryan Reynolds suffered because of their “competitive” career goals. High-profile couples are not the only ones who go through this relationship issue. In today’s lifestyles, competitive marriage syndrome, in which a partner cannot cope with his/her partner’s success, is one of the main reasons why couples split.
What is competitive Marriage Syndrome?
Life coach Milind Jadhav says that competition in a marriage can come in many forms. If taken positively, it could inspire the individual to accomplish much more than he/she had imagined. However, if this competition negatively inspires him/her to outshine his/her partner, there is a problem at hand. He observes, “In some relationships, the need to outdo each other ends up trumping every relationship goal. Every goal is taken as a race. This issue often stems from the need to be good in your partner’s eyes or just stems from plain jealousy.”
Clinical psychologist Seema Hingorany adds that competitive marriage syndrome is becoming increasingly common in urban areas as women continue to achieve equal success as men. She says, “It often happens when two individuals tend to intellectualise their marriage. The focus is only placed on professional achievements. There is too much importance placed on individual success. In such a relationship, the partner is seen as the enemy, rather than an ally. Eventually, an unhealthy discussion about work leads to a dysfunctional marriage.”
A few tell-tale signs
If you consider your spouse’s success to be a problem, chances are that you suffer from the syndrome, points out life coach Priya Kumar. She underlines a few signs to understand if competition is getting the better of a relationship.
Priya says, “When work takes priority over the relationship, it spells trouble. Be honest and understand how you feel about your partner’s career growth. Do you feel jealous if your partner seems to be getting more recognition, or a higher salary than you? If the answer is yes, you are being a little too competitive with your partner.”
Team up to fight the syndrome
Life coach Chetna Mehrotra suggests that making a conscious decision with your partner to shift the focus out of professional achievements can save the relationship. She says, “Relationships survive on affection, admiration, love and encouragement. Accept your spouse irrespective of whether or not they are better than you at their job. If you are someone who gives more importance to your job than your relationship, then you might want to re-align your goals. Next time, when your spouse gets a bounty home, instead of sulking, invest that money for a vacation together. Keep it positive.”
Here are a few ways to keep competition out of a marriage
Make the time and space to accommodate your partner. Let your time together be about each other — this will add power and value to your togetherness.
Take a holiday every once in a while; even if it is for a weekend. The tighter your work schedule, the more important it is to spend time together.
Help each other get better in his/her work, so that you feel like a part in the other person’s success. Share ideas, give advice or just go out of your way and help.
Don’t exclude your partner from your success. Even if your partner is not directly related to your work, his/her presence adds a great deal of value in keeping you performing at your best. Give him/her credit for being there.
— Inputs by Priya Kumar
