Ghosting is a relatively new term in relationships today, but this method of ending a relationship has always been around. The most recent example is Charlize Theron and Sean Penn’s split. It was reported that Charlize simply stopped picking up Sean’s calls or responding to Sean’s texts. In other words, she “ghosted” him. Ghosting refers to when a partner suddenly ends a relationship without a formal closure and cuts out every mode of communication, which leaves the other partner in the relationship, adrift. Relationship experts and life coaches, we spoke to, tell us that ghosting is being commonly used to end relationships now.
Unrealistic expectation from relationships
Books, television and the Web are often setting the tone for relationship today. This leaves individuals with unrealistic sexual and relationship expectations — which could lead to future relationship problems. Relationship expert Dr Seema Hingorany observes, “Today, people have a very warped sense about relationships. Every relationship will have up and downs, there are going to be arguments, but instead of working it out, people choose to end it and move on.”
Social media, too, has a role to play — the increasing infiltration of social media in our lives has its own effect. Life coach Khyati Birla says, “In these new-age relationships, people can communicate rapidly in real time without taking the time required to process their thoughts. This shortens the getting-to-know-each-other cycle leading to either an instant bonding or disinterest between partners.”
Tech isn’t helping either
Technology may be meant to aid communication but in this day and age, it is also making it much easier to end relationships. Before Tinder or online dating became the norm, one was often introduced to a potential date through mutual friends. This means that there was no room for ambiguity. Today, with hordes of apps available for dating, it is much more easier to cut people off. Seema says, “If a person decides to call it off, they simply decide to block them on Whatsapp, or delete them from social media profiles. It’s all instant; technology is making it easier to end relationships without the partner giving any kind of explanation.”
It’s not you, it’s him/her
If you have been a victim of ghosting, don’t feel like you can’t reach out. “You can,” Seema adds, “If you think you have been at fault. Was it something you did? If you realise it was your fault, you could write an email, apologise and ask for a second chance.” However, if you still do not get a response, let go. Life coach Milind Jadhav adds, “Accept what has happened and move on. There is no point in blaming your partner for doing what they did or blaming yourself for what has happened.”
So, why do people ‘ghost’ others?
For all the flak that ghosting has received, life coach Malti Bhojwani says it is one way to end a relationship that no longer interests an individual. She says, “If an individual has communicated in the ways they know best and yet the other does not understand, then often the only thing one can do is to avoid the other. We are becoming increasingly selective about who and what kind of energy and influence we want to surround ourselves with. Hence, it is not uncommon to simply drop out of a relationship/friendship rather than trying to explain things to someone who does not see your perspective.”
