Main na bahut lazy hoon, aur fat bhi. And for this I fully blame hamare TV serials. These soaps exhaust me so much with their syappas and intrigues that I have to keep eating to suppress my anxiety and tension.
But, you know, as we near new resolutions days, I don't want to make the same resolution that I have made for the last 15 years -ki main Gita pe haath rakh-ke kasam khati hoon ki main jo bhi khaongi kam khaongi, aur fried maal bilkul nahin khaongi.
That's why, for the last one week I have been using these very serials and their heavy-heavy emotions to burn those damn calories.
Here's what I do. I pick two shows every day, and according to the serial's uttarchadav, I exercise. I may not have shed much, but I'm feeling very toned.
My yoga regime is split into two parts.
Today, for example, with 'Saathiya Saath Nibhana' (Star Plus), I did my upper and lower body, and with 'Bigg Boss' (Colors), I did Pranayam.
First toh, jaise hi serial begin hota hain, I sit in Padmasana, close my eyes, inhale and loudly scream "Ommmmmmmm". I do this three times before opening my eyes to the chaos on the TV screen. In '...Saathiya' toh there's only kalesh these days because that idiot Radha has gone and married kamina Umang. This development hassled me so much that I started my roll-your-stuff-clockwise-and-then anticlockwise exercises. So I rolled it all -eyes, neck, shoulders, buttocks and thighs.
But, you see, hippo mommy Kokila, her gaye-jaisi-bahu Gopi and Kinjal know that Umang is a fraud. So they have formed a detective agency and spend their days hovering around Umang with their smart phones, trying to catch him doing some bad-bad thing. They also throw him baits, but he's not biting.
Ladies ki detective-giri ki bhawna ko internalise karke I struck the veerb hadrasana, warrior pose.
And then, when Gopi showed her hippo saas a photo where Umang is get ting cosy with his own bhabhi, haw hai, I got a mild chakkar and did ardh chakrasana. But jaise hi I came back to my TV from this asana, and saw that Radha's father and mother Madhu think Umang has transformed into a good soul and plan to give him their money and jayadat, I lay down into the cobra pose.
But thankfully Gopi and hubby decided to tag along and keep an eye on things. So I felt calm, stood up and went into tree pose, vrikshasana -balancing on one leg, hands held in namaste above my head.
Hai! So still and serene was I that birds could have made pretty ghonsalas on my branches.
Next was 'Big Boss', which I use for a combination of breathing and churningmy-innards exercises.
In the episode I watched last, Ajaz Khan and Kushal Tandon were asked to woo Gauhar Khan. Wah! Love triangle ki nazakat ko feel karte hue I sat in the lotus pose and did deep anulom-vilom, i.e.
inhaling from one nostril and exhaling from the other. This calms me further, while creating a luminous halo around my head.
And then, when Kushal Tandon did his pyaar ka izhaar -“I love you Gauhar Khan and want to grow old with you" -I felt so tingly and excited that I decided to awaken my Kundalini by inhaling deeply without sound, and exhaling though one nostril at a time. I could really feel my dormant Kundalini arch its eyebrow.
But oh, soon it was time for Armaan to start shouting at Sofia Hayat, and generally behave badly with Tanishaa, while she goes “Armaanji, Armaanji". This is usually my cue to start Kapalbhati where I send tiny-tiny boogers flying towards Armaanji, while pushing my stomach inside. This moves my bowels.
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