The Compliment Rejection Reflex
Instead of accepting a compliment with grace, many people become harshest critic of their own self. From brushing off praise to pointing out every flaw, why is accepting a compliment sometimes harder than giving one?
You look really nice today!” “Oh, I look horrible. You should see me without makeup.” Sound familiar? Someone offers a perfectly lovely compliment, and instead of saying Thank You, we launch into a presentation explaining why they are wrong. Welcome to the compliment rejection reflex, the curious habit of dismissing praise before it has even had time to settle. It is almost as if accepting a kind remark requires more courage than criticizing ourselves.
Perception At A Glance
One reason compliments can feel uncomfortable is that they sometimes clash with how we see ourselves. Dhara Ghuntla, a psychologist and psychotherapist, affiliated with several hospitals in Mumbai says, “Dismissing compliments often stems from a gap between how we see ourselves and how others perceive us. People with low self-esteem may find it difficult to accept positive feedback because it conflicts with their existing negative beliefs about themselves,” she says.
Ghuntla adds that embarrassment, the fear of appearing arrogant and discomfort with being the centre of attention can also lead people to deflect praise. When this becomes a repeated habit, it can reinforce negative self-perceptions and make it harder to recognise personal strengths.
Centre Of Attraction
For many people, rejecting a compliment is less about disliking themselves and more about not wanting to appear full of themselves. You receive recognition for doing something well, and your first instinct is to credit everyone except yourself.
Kruti Sharma, a corporate trainer, compliance and legal consultant, and leadership coach says, “A compliment is a gift, and when we reject it, we are quietly telling the other person their judgement is wrong.”
She explains that some people deflect praise because accepting it means agreeing with something positive about themselves that does not yet match their inner self-image.
This habit can also affect how people are perceived at work. An employee who brushes off praise during an appraisal or a woman leader who attributes her achievements to luck instead of her own efforts may unintentionally make it harder for others to recognise her contribution.
The irony is that most people do not interpret a simple thank you as arrogance. They are usually just trying to say something nice. Yet, the person receiving the compliment may spend the next five minutes wondering whether accepting it made them sound conceited. Sometimes, a simple expression of appreciation gets lost in the effort to appear humble.
Praiseworthy Advice
Accepting compliments does not mean believing every nice thing said about you or pretending to have no insecurities. It means allowing yourself to consider that another person might see something positive that you struggle to recognise in yourself.
Sharma shares her own personal experience. “When I lost 12 kilos people around me began to notice and compliment me. I made a conscious choice to simply say thank you and enjoy it. I had worked hard for those results, and accepting the praise felt like honouring my own effort,” she says. Receiving a compliment gracefully is not vanity, it is self-respect.
Her approach is simple: pause, make eye contact, smile and say thank you. There is no need to explain away the compliment, correct the other person or return the praise out of guilt.
Ghuntla also recommends responding with a simple “Thank You.” Practising this response can gradually make positive feedback easier to accept and help people develop a healthier relationship with themselves. “We are accustomed to so much criticism all our life that even if someone tells us something nice, we believe there are ulterior motives behind it,” says Wendy Fernandes, a business owner.
Let it be a good thing
So, the next time someone compliments your outfit, praises your work or notices something you have worked hard on, resist the urge to list all the reasons they might be wrong. Just respond with a simple, “Thank You!”
Dismissing compliments often stems from a gap between how we see ourselves and how others perceive us.”
— Dhara Ghuntla, psychologist & psychotherapist
A compliment is a gift, and when we reject it, we are quietly telling the other person their judgement is wrong.”
— Kruti Sharma, leadership coach