Sexual Manners

Sirisha is perturbed. Her husband Shyam is overtly sexual with her, even when their children are around. His response is: “We are a liberated, modern couple. We opposed our parents and went ahead with our love marriage. Let our children be more liberated. They should know what love is.”

Sirisha does not know how much it is appropriate for children to see or know.

This is a dilemma that most parents face —How much is too much, when it comes to sexual exposure for kids?

Many couples feel self-conscious about being affectionate with each other when children are around. Yet, children need to see their parents being affectionate with each other as much as they need affection themselves. If affectionate behaviour is common between parents, the child learns that it is a normal part of life. The lesson will carry over into his/her own marital relationship.

At the same time, children need to be taught that a sexual relationship between adults is intimate and private.

Most parents can work out a satisfactory arrangement as described below:

After dinner, the couple can spend a few minutes in quiet conversation over a glass of milk/coffee. During that time, the children can be told not to disturb them. The kids can spend their time playing or doing homework.

Children should also be taught bedroom etiquette. They should be told that they can walk in when the door is open, but not when the door is shut, unless there is an emergency. Most children will gradually understand and accept this.

What ‘sexually liberated’ souls like Suresh should realize is that appropriateness and not openness is the key issue.

The writer is a sexologist. Mail him at dr.narayana@deccanmail.com