Parallel Drives

Doctor, my wife is crazy for sex. Please prescribe some medicines to reduce her drive,” requested one hassled husband.

Before jumping the gun and assuming that the wife has an abnormally high sex drive, men should look inward. They should ask themselves a few questions—if she’s demanding sex every day, what is her motivation to do so?

Here are some plausible answers:

It could be because the woman needs a specific outcome, like having a baby. Nature has made the woman more sexually receptive and inclined around the time of ovulation. So she may ask for sex more at that time—a purely biological situation.

Another reason could be that she is just effusive by nature and may not consider it a big deal to initiate sex. A man, however, may not be tuned in to that kind of openness.

Some women, in a misplaced desire to hold on to a relationship, demand more sex in the belief that by draining the man of his sexual capacity, he may be unable to ‘rise to the occasion’ elsewhere.

Or it could be that the man has premature ejaculation or is not ‘rigid’ enough.

While all these may be just theories, the crux is the need for men to introspect.

Are men perhaps trying to hide their own reservations and fears or faults by using the tactic of offense being the best form of defense? A lot of men, to protect their egos, cover up their sexual problems by diverting attention to the woman and pointing an accusatory finger at her, thereby setting off a snowball effect.

Discrepancy in sexual drive and libido is normal and commonplace.

Here are a few pointers for men who complain:

l Communicate. That’s the best way to allay fears.

l Offense is NOT the best form of defense.

l Space yourself out, guys, and go easy.

The writer is a sexologist. Mail him at 

dr.narayana@deccanmail.com