Casual Sex and Committed Lives

Shyam was caught red-handed by his brother-in-law as he came out of a hotel room with a call girl. When he returned home, all hell broke loose. “When I am available and willing, what was the necessity?” his wife demanded. Shyam tried to justify himself, saying, “I was seduced and could not resist. Most men do these things.” Why do men resort to one-night stands? Believe it or not, because of a major male sexual fantasy. A Men’s Health magazine survey indicated that the average male wants to have 18 sex partners in his lifetime.

According to psychologists, “men have an evolved desire to fool around.” In any long-standing monogamous relationship, sexual passion dies a natural death due to monotony and a fresh partner rekindles the drive. This sexual high becomes an end in itself, especially for the middle-aged. The exhilaration is compounded by the thrill of novelty. This leads to the question, “Will every man succumb to the temptation when an opportunity arises?” Anthropologist Helen Fischer in her book Anatomy of Love calls this the “physiology of adultery”. According to her, people respond differently to novelty. Some avoid it. Some seek it. She calls the latter “sensation seekers.” Psychiatric research has found low levels of monoamine oxidase, an enzyme in the brain, in sensation seekers.

The reasons quoted by the avoiders range form “I am married” to “it’s morally wrong” to “I may contract a disease.” For both men and women, one-night stands may be ego boosters. For men it could be a “reward” for career achievements. For the middle-aged women, it may be a reaffirmation of their attractiveness.

Research has also found that one-night stands are more likely to occur when the man is under the influence of drugs or alcohol and when he is in an unhappy relationship or between a divorce and remarriage.

On the whole, one-night stands are likely to be injurious to marriages because trust, one of its founding pillars, is broken. Whatever reconciliation is cobbled together can only be like a broken mirror. So, the best way to avoid this problem is to avoid the encounter itself.