It's complicated? Not anymore

When photos of Kabir Bedi’s marriage to Parveen Dusanj were splashed across tabloids last week, one couldn’t help but notice daughter Pooja Bedi’s absence at the event. It was later revealed that Pooja wasn’t happy with her father’s decision to marry, and wasn’t invited to wedding. So disappointed was Pooja, that she later took to social media to call Parveen “a wicked witch”, which didn’t go down well with Kabir.

Parental dating after a divorce or the death of the spouse is often a difficult topic to broach about with kids, including adult offspring. Life coaches and relationship experts say a matter like this needs to be handled with utmost sensitivity since it is a life-changing decision for everyone involved. Life coach Veechi Shahi observes, “This is a sensitive issue for offspring, no matter what their age. The attachment to the parent who is no more or away, is much deeper. Hence it’s essential to reassure the adult child that the biological parent is very much loved and remembered.”

Let kids know when things are getting serious
Life coach Chetna Mehrotra says that it is important to keep kids in the know about the relationship when it begins to get serious. She says, “Getting into a relationship is a big deal since it could possibly change every dynamic in your family. First, get a clear idea of your relationship with your partner. Once you are convinced that it is going to last, you can drop in the hint about that significant someone to your kids.”

Introduce your kids to your new partner
It doesn’t help that children feel betrayed when their parents decided to accept someone new into their life. Relationship expert Seema Hingorany advises having a frank discussion with the children. She says, “Adult kids will deal with just as much emotional turmoil as would the younger ones. Have a mature talk, and answer every query he/she may have. Reinstate your belief in them. Let them know that he/she still matters to you. When you decide to introduce the two, you could have dinner in a semi-formal setting and keep the tone light.”

Ease the transition for the partner and the child
Life coach Milind Jadhav elaborates that considerable effort needs to be put in to strengthen the relationship between the partner and the child. He says, “The parent can focus on shared interests and activities that the child and the partner commonly enjoy. This focuses on sameness and will diminish the difference that the two may have.”

Seema says that bringing clarity to the romantic relationship can help better the situation. She says, “Be forthright about the relationship, and treat the child with utmost respect. Your  child’s feelings need to be addressed and acknowledged — at times it may seem instructive. Hear them out and put a rest to their worries. If they are being difficult about it, do not force them to see from your perspective. At times they do take time to accept change.”