Manipulation, dismissiveness, claustrophobic control, rejection, betrayal…none of these should find a place in a home. But all too often, they do, leaving the victim no option but to break free
Family is supposed to be a safe place. But what if it is where anxiety lives? In India, “family is everything” is coded into the DNA. Walking away is never an easy option. Yet, cutting ties with a toxic family isn’t walking away from love, it’s putting down a weight you were never meant to carry. The constant “Am I enough?” quiets down and in that quiet, your self-esteem starts talking again. Louder. Clearer. There’s research to support this. Studies show that cutting weak family ties lowers anxiety and increases self-esteem in young adults.
Celebrity conflicts
The film industry is no stranger to family trauma. Kangana Ranaut left home at 16 after fights with her father over her career. Arjun Kapoor stayed away from his father’s second wife Sridevi for years, choosing his mom Mona’s peace. Nawazuddin Siddiqui stepped back from his brother Shamas after public fallouts drained him. Mallika Sherawat has spoken about strict control at home. Rekha’s father, Gemini Ganesan, didn’t acknowledge her for years. Sarika cut ties with her mother after she controlled all her money. Prateik Babbar grew up estranged from Raj Babbar, feeling abandoned after Smita’s death.
Telugu actress Donal Bisht opened up about cutting ties with a toxic person who was almost family. He/she acted like a well-wisher but used gaslighting, manipulation and sob stories. She kept giving him/her chances until she was able to say an uncompromising No. After cutting him off, she isolated herself, turned to meditation and asked her parents, “Why didn’t you tell me people like this exist?” Two years of healing taught her to sense energy and stop people-pleasing. “The world is good,” she says now, “but some hurt you deliberately. Stay safe, aware and conscious.”
It can happen to anyone
This is not just a “rich people problem” — it happens in ordinary homes too. Sudha A, 28, left Hyderabad for Wales after years of domestic abuse from her brother, a narcissistic bully. She never felt safe and her mother, caught in family ties, enabled her son’s behaviour by refusing to see the damage. With therapy, Sudha finally confronted her brother with her mother present: “This is it. I never want to see you again.” Now married and living abroad, she’s in a better place mentally. She doesn’t talk to her brother or live with her mother. “I chose a partner who makes me feel safe and seen.”
Sushma Myakala, Consultant, Planning Department, Telangana Secretriat says, “My father’s sister lent him a small sum, but over years took back nearly five times in interest. Every visit sparked week-long fights between my parents. As kids, my brother and I didn’t understand — we just felt the heavy silence. I’d take him out to play each evening to keep him away from home.”
Time to quell guilt
Cutting family ties brings guilt, but it’s also a step towards reclaiming peace. Esha Shetty, top luxury and lifestyle influencer, says she grew up feeling dismissed and criticised at home. No amount of achievement fixed it. She realised a relationship is toxic when it makes you guilty for having boundaries and scared to speak up. “Love shouldn’t cost you your peace,” she says. She moved out, leaned on friends and went to therapy to unlearn guilt-tripping and people-pleasing. Choosing distance was hard but crucial. With boundaries, her confidence returned. She’s now more secure, decisive and gentle with herself. “Setting boundaries is self-respect, not selfishness.”
Measured steps
A total dissociation need not be the only answer. Dr. Priyanka Recharla, MD, says, “Going ‘no contact’ is the extreme, not the rule. If you’re safe, start by checking how the relationship impacts you. Try to meet in the middle and spell out your limits. If they ignore those limits, reduce contact as needed. Think through what cutting ties would cost you and what it’d give you. And if it ends, let yourself grieve. That’s the clinical way to protect your peace without defaulting to All-or-Nothing.”
Ultimately, the pattern’s the same whether it’s Mumbai or Manhattan. Anxiety drops when the buzz of guilt stops. Self-esteem climbs when you’re not shrinking to fit someone else’s script. Because sometimes the most Indian thing you can do is choose your ‘shanti’ over your ‘sanskaar.’
