THREE’S AI CROWD IN A RELATIONSHIP

Once upon a time, relationship advice came from close friends, agony aunts or that one cousin who believed every breakup could be solved with ice cream or a dramatic, funky haircut. Today, things have changed. Many young couples have quietly invited a new ‘artificially intelligent’ confidant into their relationships. Artificial Intelligence (AI) is the third wheel in a relationship!

Modern Automated Love

“Many of my young clients tell me, ‘I asked AI what it means when he does this or that, and it helps me draft replies too,” says Dr Archana Nanduri, a Counselling Psychologist from Hyderabad.

In this sense, AI has quietly become the first responder during moments of emotional distress. Dr. Nanduri explains that this does not necessarily indicate a lack of emotional capability among young adults; rather, it reflects a growing preference for immediacy.

She says, “When someone turns to AI to interpret their partner’s silence or mood, I often see their own emotional confidence sink.” Over time, people may begin to doubt their own instincts and become increasingly anxious or prone to overanalysis. A delayed message or a brief reply may start to feel like something that must be decoded. Instead of addressing the concern directly with their partner, individuals may rely on algorithmic interpretations based solely on their own account of events. Biases, hence, are assured!

One-Sided Bias

One of the quiet quirks of AI-generated relationship advice is that it can sometimes become unintentionally one-sided. After all, the chatbot only hears one half of the love story — the version narrated by the person typing. It doesn’t see the partner’s facial expressions, hear their tone, or know whether that curt “ok” was passive aggression or simply someone replying between meetings.

“When someone shares their side of a story to a listener, whether a friend or an AI system, the narrative is naturally filtered through their own perception,” says Sangeeta Manglani, a Relationship Coach and Spiritual Psychologist. As a result, the advice they receive often ends up validating that version of events, strengthening the belief that “I am right and my partner is wrong.”

Manglani notes she has frequently observed this pattern in her work with clients. At times, individuals come into sessions believing they alone are the problem in the relationship and that they need fixing — sometimes even assuming they require medication or external support. This belief often emerges from a self-critical narrative they have repeated to themselves and others. In other situations, the opposite projection occurs: a person feels completely justified in their position and views their partner as the sole source of the problem.

Sangeeta quips, “Healthy resolutions only happen when both partners can step outside their personal stories and understand their own emotional reality.”

Emotional Triangulation

“Triangulation in relationships, that is, bringing in a third party to manage tension rather than addressing it directly, is already recognised as harmful to intimacy,” says Ayushi Mathur, a Relationship Coach.

Ayushi opines that the increasing reliance on AI during relationship conflicts can sometimes create a subtle form of emotional triangulation. In relationship psychology, triangulation occurs when a third voice or presence enters a two-person conflict and begins influencing how the disagreement is understood or resolved. She notes that when someone consistently consults AI about their partner’s behaviour, reactions, or messages, the AI can begin to function like an invisible third participant in the relationship. Even though it is not a human being, its interpretations and suggestions can shape how one partner perceives the situation.

A Matter Of Concern

While concerns around AI in relationships are valid, it would be unfair to overlook the genuine benefits it can offer when used thoughtfully. She explains that for individuals who grew up in households where healthy conflict resolution was never modelled, AI can provide a low-pressure space to practise articulating feelings and organising their thoughts. Similarly, for someone who tends to react impulsively or emotionally during disagreements, using AI as a momentary pause to process their reactions before responding can be constructive.

Dr Archana adds, “I do not see AI as entirely negative.” She notes that some clients use it wisely and type out angry messages to a

chatbot rather than sending them impulsively. Dr Archana quips, “That pause itself can save relationships.” Sangeeta advises, “Use AI for reflection, not judgment.”

Experts suggest that direct conversations between partners should always remain the first preference whenever possible. Interpreting a partner’s behaviour from a distance — and only through one’s own perspective — can easily lead to misread signals. When those interpretations are fed into AI for analysis, the responses generated may further reinforce that single viewpoint. It can unintentionally create misunderstandings.

Let the Heart Speak

AI may help draft the message, or even calm the storm in the moment — but it cannot replace the courage it takes to face a partner and say, “This is how I feel.” Relationships do not grow from perfectly crafted responses; they grow from imperfect, honest conversations. Technology can guide reflection, but the real work of love still belongs to the two people in it.