Isolation has become a profitable micro economy in big cities, lonesome folks are paying to meet strangers and like-minded people at poetry circles, home pop-ups, supper clubs, jazz nights and reading corners
Lonely in a big city, many urban folks are paying for events like house gatherings, poetry readings, book clubs, workshops, dinner with strangers, and more to meet new people and make friends. This has led to a new micro economy where people host paid events and invite strangers into their homes.
Stranger & Friends
There are stories galore of platforms such as Stranger Mingle, BeeSocial that organise regular stranger meetups, gaming events, creative sessions and pop-ups. Some platforms like the Playace even allow vetted hosts in cities like Mumbai, Pune, and Bengaluru to sell passes (often Rs 500 to Rs 2,500) for BYOB nights, music jam sessions and themed mixers.
The Bonding Boulevard organises luxe retreats by ‘Request Invite’ in Goa, Rajasthan, Rishikesh, where strangers can make meaningful connections and friendships.
Community Spirit
The guest list can be as eclectic as the food, music and event. Karan Singh, founder of Let’s Getaway, a platform for hosting community meetups, says the idea popped up when he was on a trip from Ladakh to Kashmir with his friends. “The first event was dinner. I hosted six strangers.” Most of Karan’s guests were in the age group of 22 to 30 years. He has witnessed a lot of friendships via Let’s Getaway. “I know at least 10-12 groups of 6-8 people who became friends because of our community.” The ticket prices range from `199 to `2,499. The price varies depending on the type of event and the seasonality. It covers the entry and a small cover charge redeemable against food and beverage. The idea of paying to meet and mingle with strangers might come across odd to some people. “But it is becoming a norm and the market is adapting,” says Karan.
The Urban Sprawl
As cities sprawl and people reel under work pressure and long commutes, it has become hard for adults to meet like-minded people and make new friendships. No wonder how urban isolation has triggered the boom of paid home events for lonely strangers in cities. In the metros people have options of either dating apps or social media to meet new people. “But our model helps people trust the system to meet new people,” says Karan.
Paying to Meet People
Why do people increasingly feel the need to pay to participate in social activities and meet strangers? Mani Agarwal, a mental health practitioner says, “A certain part of society is paying and participating in activities because the urban landscape is designed for us to pay and participate. You buy into spaces that support your emotional needs.” She adds. “It’s not an individualised perspective. Meeting people organically and meeting them through paid curated experiences, there’s not just a psychological, there’s a social difference. Is public geography accessible to all? Perhaps not. But is private geography accessible to all? Perhaps not. The loneliness experience is not of just a cultural nature but rather a socially marginalised nature.”
A Conversation Pit
Navya Misran, co-founder of Kitaab Club, a book club and NGO that hosts author talks, book meets, and vinyl listening sessions, believes that a paid economy of hobbies has emerged in “a response to how far and distant we have been from the community as Gen Z.” She believes that is how Kitaab Club started. “The book club initiative started because Sneha and I were sitting together and yearning for a community around sharing things that we would want to do and experience together.” She adds, “There’s nothing wrong with trying to monetise a venture like that, especially if it’s about reading. Please make it cool. Try to host as many events as possible.” However, Agarwal argues that paid gatherings cannot be understood as only a matter of taste. “When we comment on this idea of paid curated experiences, there is definitely an angle of class, caste, cultural access, etc,” she says.
Paid vs. Organic
People have forever organised gatherings and communities. “But the way we hold space from them is turning from a social context to an individualised context of who gets to take up space and where, which are questions of the capitalistic nature,” Agarwal says.
Nonetheless, many believe paid gatherings are a blessing in disguise for people looking at gaining exposure. You get to connect with individuals who are subject matter experts. It can be an enriching experience.
Pointing to the queer community, Agarwal notes “organic gathering” and “paid gathering” cannot be set against each other. Meeting people organically she argues, “is a limited perspective” because queer events are themselves paid, curated gatherings.
Queer events “keep accessibility in mind, making them pay what you want, making them caste-informed. So, curated does not necessarily mean bad. And organic does not necessarily mean good because not all public spaces are accessible to queer people,” she argues.
Making Connections
Loneliness may be marketable and the modern city may be designed for us to pay to participate, but in a world where traditional connections are shrinking, these paid gatherings offer a sanctuary to build friendships, especially for communities that have been historically isolated, and people who cannot find a place for themselves in a big city.
