Couples’ Masterclass in ‘Marriage Graduation’

“Marriage Graduation is a concept where couples consciously and amicably end their marriage without hostility, blame or legal battles that often come with divorce,” explains Sarika Shukla, a Counselling Psychologist and Emotional Confidence Coach. It’s here that couples choose to see a realistic, not a negative picture.

Sarika quips, “They don’t view their marriage as a failure but just as a completion aka graduation from one chapter in life.” What follows is that the chapter of Marriage for these couples, while being rough, has also offered a plethora in terms of learnings, growth and a mutual understanding to move forward. And moving forward, not with bitterness, but with respect and dignity for the other.

Aparna Verma, a Counselling Psycho-logist, Co-Founder of Manovriti, opines that Marriage Graduation flows from the Japanese belief of ‘sotsukon’. This translates into a unique arrangement where couples choose to stay legally married yet live separate lives. Aparna explains, “It’s a new way where couples want to redefine their relationship, moving away from traditional and cohabiting models while yet maintaining some legal and family ties.”

Factors At Play

While it’s true that couples today are trading courtroom drama for calm and outgrowing shared dreams. Many are also into fulfilling pursuits of self-discovery and love. The question they ask themselves is simple: ‘Why fight through a messy divorce?’ Here, most of these couples choose to accept the belief that perhaps they passed the test, but the course is over. Also, for some couples, it isn’t about the differences. They simply evolve with different electives. For instance, one may want babies, the other wants Bali. One’s craving calm, and the other is chasing chaos and wilderness.

Dimple Jain, Consultant Psychologist and Psychotherapist at Healthy Future Neuro Centre, says that couples choose Marriage Graduation ways over Divorce to avoid the baggage of complexities that follow a nasty divorce. For one, you avoid legal and financial expenses. Two, you simply do not want to get drained by the stigma society is already ready to throw your way. Dimple says, “It can also be a less jarring way to separate, especially if the couple seeks to maintain a family unit inclusive of kids or a shared social circle.”

Go Separate Ways

Sarika opines that Marriage Graduation tactics are extremely beneficial. She says, “Instead of carrying wounds, resentment or guilt, partners walk away with emotional security and closure.” Such setups reduce the brunt of mental health strain and feelings of hostility or angst for the other. Sarika explains that such decisions also positively impact the children involved. Conscious uncoupling paves the way for healthier co-parenting avenues.

Aparna believes a lot has to do with perspective. Aparna explains, “Some couples may find peace in having companionship without the pressure of constant togetherness, but for others, it may just serve as an avoidance mechanism.” A way where couples choose to brush away differences without addressing them. An escape from tough conversations and a complete denial of closure. Aparna cautions, “There is a possibility that psychologically, unresolved issues may continue to linger in such arrangements.”

Rewriting The Story

Marriage Graduation isn’t for everyone. Some unions end in fire, not fondness. But for some, it's parting ways with grace. Not with a sense of failure or regret. There is no single remedy or correct answer for couples. Dimple says, “I would recommend this path only after couples have exhaustive communication and have taken professional help to sort out differences among themselves.” For some couples, this may seem like a perfect ‘temporary’ solution, but for others, the finality of divorce may be necessary for true emotional closure and a fresh start.The end of any relationship can be a transition or a tragedy — and sometimes, it’s both. But as ‘marriage graduation’ suggests, not all goodbyes need to come wrapped in regrets. Sometimes, the bravest thing two people can do is close the book while they still applaud each other at the finish line.

Quotes:

Marriage Graduation

is a concept where couples consciously and amicably end their marriage without hostility, blame or legal battles that often come with divorce.”

— Sarika Shukla,

Counselling Psychologist & Emotional Confidence Coach

It’s a new way where couples want to redefine their relationship, moving away from traditional and cohabiting models while yet maintaining some legal and family ties.”

— Aparna Verma,

Counselling Psychologist, Co-Founder of Manovriti