Can Modern Women Have Cinderella Complex?

In 1981, psychotherapist Colette Dowling coined the term ‘Cinderella Complex’ for the subconscious fear of independence among some women. She said despite having high education and resources, women might still need someone to “save” them. There are many factors due to which a woman might feel this way, but it mainly stems from social conditioning and how women are raised, she said.

Close to 50 years on, does this still hold true?

In the last two or three decades, big strides have been made regarding women’s education, lifestyle and independence. Many girls have become first-generation salaried women in their families.

We ask a few women if they feel that the Cinderella Complex exists in today’s generation.

‘It’s human to want to be taken care of’

I think it’s still there. I’ve seen very polished, educated friends of mine settle with conniving and narcissistic men, thinking they can’t do any better, and my heart really goes out to them. But this is the life they’ve chosen, and I respect that.

However, I wouldn’t settle for anything less than equality in a relationship. I want my partner to treat me like an equal or above, not below him. In fact, I’d like to take care of my partner as much as they’re expected to take care of me. It’s a very human thing to want to be taken care of, and it doesn’t have to be tied to some fairy tale. Independent women aren’t obligated to hate companionship; we can be in love and still maintain our autonomy.

And let’s be real; all Disney female characters are lame, with all due respect. Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Pocahontas — they didn’t really think it through or got ghosted. Women are entirely capable of building wealth from scratch.

Instead of acting fragile and in need of care, women should tap into their innate nurturing and caring qualities. By doing so, we can find security within ourselves and stop seeking validation from external sources. This would benefit men too.

— Sravya Kothalanka,

Singer, Artist, Entrepreneur

‘Women need to unlearn years of conditioning’

I believe we live in a time where most of us are aware of what’s right and wrong, it ultimately comes down to personal choice, regardless of gender! For some, it’s family conditioning that has deeply rooted them in the Cinderella Complex; for others, it’s simply a more convenient way of living!

The world has become hybrid and gender roles aren’t what they were even five years ago. That being said, I still believe women are naturally nurturing and with that comes a lingering sense of responsibility or guilt around caregiving.

To me, the Cinderella Complex can exist when it comes from a place of love, but the danger lies in when it comes from desperation! That’s when it becomes a trap. Many modern women may still find themselves battling with this complex at some level, especially in intimate relationships. It’s not about being weak; it’s about unlearning years of conditioning.

— Divya Boppanna, Digital Creator

‘Violence against women is a factor’

It’s a debatable topic, and can work differently for different women. Gender roles have been instilled in us for centuries, and even modern women may feel the need to have a protective figure in their lives. Human beings – both men and women – need connection. You do feel more secure with another human being.

It need not be a man.

A major reason behind woman needing a companion is that violence against woman is still high in our country and women need the feeling of security more than men do.

Patriarchy has taught us that men are stronger and that women must stay at home. Many women are strong, but they are not confident because they have been conditioned by patriarchy for years.

— Prity Kumari, Software Engineer/ Choreographer