If you feel you are ‘walking on eggshells’ around volatile parent(s) and constantly fear triggering them and inviting their wrath then you are probably dealing with eggshell parents
Parenting can be a mammoth task. Eggshell parenting is taxing and a few notches up because the kids are in constant fear of inviting the wrath of their parents or triggering their unpredictable volatile behaviour. Many children who come from “egg parenting” households become extra cautious and anxious about their words and actions. They find themselves “walking on eggshells.” It can directly impact their lives and relationship-building skills as adults. Some grow up to be hypervigilant people-pleasers, worried they might upset someone and fear rejection. Several prefer to remain in solitary confinement and end up being social recluses.
A Silent Evil
“Eggshell parenting is a silent, invisible weight that children carry with them. It is the constant awareness that every word, every action, must be carefully measured, for fear of triggering the unpredictable moods of their parents” says Dr Aman Bhonsle, Psychotherapist & Relationship Coach.
This isn’t about the direct force of anger but the silent and tense feel shouldered upon children. They struggle to find their way in navigating ways around the many tantrums thrown by the parents. Dr Aman says, “Such kids grow up in environments where the idea of love feels distant, something they have to work hard to earn rather than a free gift given.”
Such a parenting style can prove disastrous to young minds who are simply left to navigate life with this huge burden of emotional fragility. Ayushi Mathur, ICF & NLP Certified Relationship Coach & Co-founder of Life by Design Retreats shares that this parenting style is most common among couples who have unresolved issues and compatibility problems. She says, “When parents struggle with their emotional regulation, children become the unintended yet easy recipients of unpredictable behaviour.” Such behaviours lead them to develop hypervigilant behavioural patterns.
Markers To Identify
Eggshell parenting might be a familiar scenario in many Indian households and can be identified with some cues – the way a child speaks (hesitation before every word), constant anxiety, fear, low self-esteem, people-pleasing, and the fear of upsetting people et al. “The most important marker is emotional dysregulation,” says Ayushi, adding, “Growing up in a volatile household has the child always stay on the edge with any unrelated event or word triggering a negative emotional response.”
Other indicators could be difficulty in expressing personal needs, and opinions, imbibing a false sense of responsibility where the child feels that it’s their job to manage or stabilize their parent’s reactions and emotions. Many even punish themselves with the notion that: “My parents are unhappy because of my shortcomings.”
The Healing Path
It is difficult to heal emotional scars. Dr Aman explains, “Healing from eggshell parenting re-quires understanding that the child was never at fault.” Parents have to mindfully and patiently revisit areas of emotional vulnerability so as to create some form of emotional safety. Other options include seeking therapy which could help break down walls built over years of emotional neglect, teaching the child to first trust themselves and then their parents.
“Sadly, these kids often grow up to be anxious and tough on themselves, even perfectionistic adults,” says Dr Aman. Ayushi has dealt with several teenagers and adults who come from “eggshell parenting” homes. “I’ve seen firsthand how deeply eggshell parenting impacts a child’s emotional well-being,” she says.
Healing from these experiences requires building external support systems—through therapy, trusted friends or mentors. Dr Aman adds, “Children must be taught to separate themselves from the emotional instability of their parents.”
Parents should sort out unresolved conflicts. Keeping kids away from toxic environments and fights could prove healthier. Emotional instability shouldn’t be shouldered on kids needlessly. Parents need to adapt conscious parenting methods to better recognise such loopholes and work towards better forms of emotional regulation. Breaking the “eggshell parenting” cycle starts with self-awareness, stability, love and emotional security.
Help For Kids
• Seek external guidance from mentors, therapists, or support groups.
• Develop personal boundaries to protect emotional well-being.
• Engage in self-soothing activities like journaling, mindfulness, or creative outlets
• Learn to separate your identity from your parent’s emotions
• Do not blame yourself for the volatile atmosphere in the house
• Build secure relationships with people who provide stability and emotional support
When parents struggle with their own emotional regulation, children become the unintended recipients of unpredictable behaviour.” — Ayushi Mathur, Relationship Coach & Co-founder, Life by Design Retreats
