Mumbai: Former New Zealand cricketer Lou Vincent revealed that he thought of committing suicide following the admission of his involvement in match fixing. Vincent, who represented the Blackcaps in more than 100 ODIs, has owned up to 18 counts of spot-fixing and match-fixing in English cricket in 2008 and 2011.
"It's just an out of body experience and it's incredibly sad that a human being's mind can allow someone to make that decision to take their life," Vincent said in an interview to NewstalkZB.
In the interview Vincent said that he got involved in fixing as he stopped believing in “good of the world”.
"From my point of view, I had given up on the good of the world. I believed that bad was the best way to to and stuff the system, so to speak."
In a statement in 2014 Vincent came out in open about his involvement in fixing. The statement began with Vincent saying, "My name is Lou Vincent and I am a cheat."
In the interview, Vincent also said that he saw no other alternative but to commit suicide.
"It's just the guilt, the no way out of this wall in your head that says you are useless, you have no purpose, you are a loser, you are a failure. And people know you are a failure and you feel that stigma is going to stick with you forever," said Vincent while admitting that he went into depression.
However, the Kiwi cricketer said that self-reflection and a help from others helped him get out of depression and he is willing to help people fighting depression.
"I have learned to love myself for the first time in many many years. I certainly want people out there to believe that no matter how hard a situation you are in life you are able to change your perception and your mind to get through any hardship," said Vincent.
Vincent also clarified that he is not thinking to get his life ban in cricket reduced.
"I have moved on from cricket; it's still very raw and I also have got to do my time. What I did was disrespectful for the game and the thought of going to the game and being involved in cricket for the next few years is just not right," said Vincent.
"I've got a new job and a new career. I've got a simpler life. I've got two adorable little girls that are my focus at the moment and hey, we will see what happens, but me getting out there and speaking to people about life and encouraging people to move on no matter how hard the situation they feel like they are in inspires me than going to a game of cricket," he concluded.
