Can Children Be Allowed Space in Public? Young Parents Say Yes

Hyderabad: A toddler screaming on a flight because he is hungry, a child running around a restaurant while waiting for food, or a two‑year‑old crying in a mall after being refused a toy can quickly turn into an uncomfortable situation for parents.

For many young parents, the struggle is not only to calm the child but also to deal with disapproving looks and occasional comments from strangers who expect children to remain quiet and still in public. Parents say they are increasingly questioning whether they should keep apologising for behaviour that is developmentally normal.

A toddler strapped into an aircraft seat may arch their back, scream or repeatedly try to get into the aisle because they are overtired and unable to understand why they must sit still. A hungry child may not understand why a meal will take another 45 minutes to arrive. In a mall, a child may have a meltdown after a parent refuses to buy a toy.

“Of course my toddler cannot wait for 45 minutes for the meal to arrive. They are hungry now and they have no sense of time,” said a young parent. Parents also say they are judged when they use screens to settle a child in public. “If you do not want them to make noise and you do not want them to use a screen, what are they supposed to do? We know we should give them for shorter periods and we do follow,” they ask.

Rabab Hararwala, a homemaker, said children are often expected to behave like adults even in situations that require them to remain seated for long hours. “At the mosque, we are supposed to sit for long hours for sermons and prayers. Children are not wired to sit for such long hours even if you take everything possible to entertain them — snacks, books, toys, whatever you have. Their bodies need movement and their brains need stimulation,” she said.

She added there was also a contradiction in how children are treated. “The same elders who say, ‘Have children, we will keep them,’ suddenly find their mess, loud noises or running around intolerable. They will ask you to handle your child as if childhood is a crime,” she said.

According to her, the disagreement is linked to changing parenting practices. “A lot of rules of civility cannot and should not be applied to children. It has a lot to do with the generation gap as well. Parenting rules have changed. It is difficult for some older people to digest child‑led and child‑centric parenting because earlier it was more about ‘parents know best’,” she said.

Not everyone agrees. S. Karthika, a private employee, said children also need to be taught not to disturb others. Though she is not a mother, she said she had helped raise her sister’s children and believed parents should try to keep children calm in public places. “When children disturb others, it can lead to arguments. People sometimes tell parents to take the children home and let them make noise there. I understand that children are children, but parents also have a responsibility to manage them,” she said.

Child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. Hrishikesh Giriprasad, Government General Hospital, Nalgonda, said tantrums, crying and loud behaviour are common among children below five years. “Toddlers are curious. This continues until around five years as they are constantly trying to learn about their surroundings. A child who has spent the first one or two years mostly at home may become very excited after going outside. The lights, sounds and new surroundings can be stimulating,” he said.

He said children gradually learn to understand their surroundings as they grow. Crying, shouting, running around and playing loudly can therefore be normal behaviour, particularly among younger children. At the same time, he said parents need to consider the setting and the child’s age, and try to calm them when behaviour continues beyond what would be expected.