Love, perhaps the most exciting aspect of campus life of an individual, is becoming the very antithesis of it with self-destructive violence on campuses in the state. The recent incident in School of Medical Education (SME) in Kottayam in which a student setting himself and his ex-lady love in flames shows love turning is perhaps one of the extreme cases of murderous negation. Even before the shock was abated a similar incident was reported from Udayamperoor in Kochi on Tuesday in which a boy hacked a girl for rejecting his love for her. The two incidents in a span of 10 days linked with campus love point towards the violence gripping the minds of at least a section of our boys. May be it is too early ring the alarm bells over these two incidents.
But certainly the time has come for the people in the state to have a look at the way the society is responding to the idea of love amongst its youth. Prashant Prabha Sarangadharan, an active commentator in facebook feels that the violence seen in incidents like SME is the manifestation of a deeper malady in the society. “To tell you frankly the idea of love is still an anathema in our society. Whatever little we know about love is deeply seeped in extreme patriarchal values”, he said. Many people still frown at the idea that a girl or a woman is an autonomous individual and capable of having her own ideas of love. “Most of our boys are brought up with extreme patriarchal values and misunderstand these values as a genuine expression of love or concern for girls. These kind of condescending attitudes are often misunderstood as fidelity associated in love”, Sarangadharan said.
Although the social media has opened up new spaces of expression for girls the overall attitude of the society remains quite old fashioned or plain conservative. “Almost all boys in our batch are open to the idea of having multiple girl friends. But all of them frown at girls having the same privilege”, says a final year medical student who declined to reveal her identity. “I think there should be a conscious effort from a very young age to free boys from the notion that girls are to be under their control and care”, he said. The explosion of social media outlets, on the other hand, has created a new-found fear amongst the boys, say many girls active on such platforms.
The trend of girls expressing themselves is unsettling for many boys. A reflection of violence against girls in the campuses and the society at large can be seen in the abusive responses received by women questioning the patriarchal values in the social media. The filthy language and morphing of sexually explicit images are the staple diets of violence, say women who are active on social media. Addressing the issue of lover becoming killer in a one-dimensional framework of violence against woman may appear too simplistic of an understanding. But the inherent violence permeating the shaping of gender relations in our society cannot be ignored for any meaningful understanding of the menace stalking the campuses.
Youth hacks girl for loss of love
In the latest instance of love taking a dangerous turn, a girl was hacked by a youth at Udayamperoor near here on Tuesday evening alleging that she spurned him to join in dalliance with another youth. The incident occurred when the 20 year old girl Ambili of Edamanayil, Pathaam Mile, Udayampeeror, was returning home from the DB College, Thalayolaparambu, where is she is studying for final year degree. Amal, a native of Udayamperoor and a neighbour of the girl who was hacked, later surrendered before Udayamperoor police.
The attack took place at a deserted way in Udayamperoor. Police said local residents who hearing the screams of the girl rushed to the spot and took her to the hospital. Ambili had lodged a complaint earlier with the police saying that Amal had been disturbing her, police said and added that the act on Tuesday is a vengeance over it. Amal confessed that he attacked her over vengeance for ditching him and joining another youth. Ambili suffered a deep wound on her shoulder and head. She was first admitted to Ernakualm General Hospital from where she was shifted to a private hospital in Kochi.
Catch ‘em young for better lessons
Ubiquitous violence, an overdose of sex and gore in media, including films, the absence of a support system on the campus, scant regard for character building in educational institutions, lack of interaction within families and rising numbers of broke families have contributed to the collapse of social order on the campus. Psychiatrist KA Kumar says that the ego loss of a love object is a terrible blow to a person. No amount of counselling to sublimate the loss for the sake of dissenting partner would save the situation because the male paradigm is templated on this reality.
“It is as if the life span is too short and one should strive for immediate gratification. The focus is on the material aspect of gratification in a sexually deprived society”, s aid Dr Kumar. He said educational institutions should set up tutorials within classes comprising limited numbers of students so that a teacher is able to spot the vulnerable candidates early on and befriend them much before they drive themselves to extremes, like the one that happened at the School of Medical Education at Kottayam. Families should find more time to watch a film or a TV serial together and openly discuss what is real/ unreal but never should elders pretend they are passing down value instructions to the new generation.
The effort should be to convey home truths without making it almost sound like catechism. “There are already separate support systems for children with learning disabilities. We should think of a similar mechanism to identify and help students who tend to ignore studies. There is nothing wrong with having a friend in the opposite sex, but investing more in relationships on the campus will be to the detriment of both parties”, said Dr Kumar. Identifying candidates predisposed to crimes, especially those belonging to families in which crime runs through generations, is a priority and needs some expertise to resolve. Above all there is nothing like open discussions in peer groups but the effort should not be to shame and punish the ‘offenders’, said Dr Kumar.
‘Aadarsh stalked Lekshmi even after she refused’
Aadarsh, who died along with K. Lekshmi on the campus of the School of Medical Education here on February 1, had stalked her even after she had expressed her unwillingness to marry him. This was stated by Lekshmi’s parents to the police who took their statements on Tuesday. It was following his refusal to end his affair with Lekshmi that they had filed a complaint with the Kayamkulam CI. Aadarsh had come to their house in November last with a demand to marry Lekshmi. However, they turned him away as she was not willing. They approached the police after he visited them again. “Lekshmi had stopped talking to him after she found him doubting everyone. However, he continued his visits to see her,” said Mr C.J. Martin, Ettumanoor CI.
Shame on you outdated Romeos!
Girls have “come of age”, become choosy and are no more fixated on the boorish macho, who imagines every girl out there is desirable and ready for a crush just for the asking. Writer S. Saradakutty, responding to DC’s queries on recurring reports of jilted youth taking down their once dear girlfriends in fatal embrace, said boys do not realize times have changed. They are imprisoned in the old. The murder of a student at SME in Kottayam and now the lethal attack on girl at Udayamperoor show that stalkers are fearless. But this mayhem on the campus has more to do with clashing male-female perceptions, which generate more jilted youth, committed to revenge.
“These days girls and boys have no taboo in discussing sex openly. She says boys are too immersed in their masculinity that when their girlfriends leave them, their ego plummets. Revenge overtakes”, said Saradakutty. “Unfortunately the boys have not reached the same level of sexual awareness and maturity as girls. Girls size up her friend within a few months of courtship. She is capable of being friends with several in tandem. If she finds him not on the same page, he gets dumped. Suddenly the girl becomes his lover-turned-rival. High time boys came to terms with liberation. No amount of cruelty can reverse the clock. They ARE the losers already”, said Saradakutty.
Malayalam literature and films play a major role in portraying the woman as a single man’s “property”. But the new generation, especially girls, are more independent and have set priorities on life and life partner. As recent as early 20th century Kerala had witnessed a ritualistic trial of Namboodiri women and fellow males, accused of adultery. If the woman was found guilty, she and her men are ostracized. Royal permission was needed for the trial- Smaarthavicharam. Malayalam novels and films invested man with the sole proprietorship over individual women.
Even recent flicks such as Maheshinte Prathikaram have heroes proclaim their exploits once a relationship is over and walk away as if they have been the gainer. Saradakutty says that unlike women, men are still closeted in their unfreedom. Men abuse women and in extreme cases attack them with acid. Saradakutty, who recently retired as Malayalam professor, says even classes should be arranged on campuses to straighten up gender perceptions. Women should realize casual flings come with a cost. Once out of college, boys expect their life partners to be virgins.
Former State police chief Jacob Punnoose attributes much of the evil on the campus to the absence of the fellowship of the good. “Do not expect the police to escort every girl in anticipation of attacks. The campus should provide students the protection and the confidence to face life-threatening situations. Students should be ready to play Good Samaritan. When contacted, a leading gynaecologist in Kochi told DC that on an average he does 15-20 abortions a year. Unmarried couples walk in and exit with a bewildering nonchalance. “Earlier, they would ring up the gynaecologist in extreme confidentiality. But not any more. They don’t regret the abortion and are innocent of any trauma”, said the gynaecologist.
‘Love has to be reinvented to fight dehumanisation’
When Alain Badiou, rated as one of the top philosopher alive today, speaks about the need for reinventing love he means the need to rescue the idea of love from the twin threats of “zero risk” and “consumerist hedonism” that permeates the world of love nowadays. The critical gaze by the French philosopher on one of the oldest theme of human civilization will be totally out of zinc with the milieu of ‘macho boys’ stalking the corridors our campuses. In a riveting conversation with Nicolas Troung titled In Praise of Love Badiou explains how the idea and practice of love needed to be reinvented in an increasingly dehumanized world. He begins the musings by taking on a few slogans of a dating site seen in Paris. The slogans used by the site such as ‘get love without chance’, ‘be in love without falling in love’, ‘get perfect love’ and ‘coaching in love’ according to Badiou are clear signs of transforming love becoming something worse than arranged marriage.
“It is love comprehensively insured against all risks”, he says. “Clearly, inasmuch as love is a pleasure almost everyone is looking for, the thing that gives meaning and intensity to almost everyone’s life, I am convinced that love cannot be a gift given on the basis of a complete lack of risk”, says the philosopher. According to Badiou “the counterpoint to the safety threat is the idea that love is only a variant of rampant hedonism and the wide range of possible enjoyment. “The aim” of such an attitude “is to avoid any immediate challenge, any deep and genuine experience of the otherness from which love is woven”.
Defining love as quest for truth Badiou explains the kind of truth he is looking for in love. “I mean truth in relation to something quite precise: what kind of world does one see when one experiences it from the point of view of two and not one? What is the world like when it is experienced, developed and lived from the point of view of difference and not identity? That is what I believe love to be. It is the project, naturally including sexual desire in all its facets, including the birth of a child, but also a thousand other things, in fact, anything from the moment our lives are challenged by the perspective of difference”.
