Year 1993. Location: the farmhouse of His Grace Mar Chrysostom at Kumbanad. It was a close-knit family, with parents and children. Every night there would be fun and frolic as also discussion on serious social issues in the house at dinner table. But that day it was like a war zone.
That night Mar Chry-sostom, then a 15-year-old energetic youth of 15 called Dharmisthan, dropped a bomb. With the nonchalance characteristic of his age, he declared; “When I marry, I will only choose a Dalit girl as my life partner." Suddenly there was profound silence in the room.
Years later at his house beside the river Pamba, Mar Chrysost-om recalled the event with a smile."It was as if an atom bomb had been dropped into the house. The shock was not without reason. In those days, it was ridiculous that a boy of a resp-ectable family should even think of marrying a girl belonging to the lower classes.
“Instead of the usual casual talk at the dinner time, there was a very serious discussion on this issue that night. I understood that day that there are certain limitations in becoming the trigger for changes and that there are big lessons of perception to be learnt", His Grace said.
However, big challenges were in store. His Grace took the vow of celibacy at age 35 when he was anointed a bishop. But nothing could put fetters on the loftiness of his concept of marriage. In his view, marriage is the ideal expression of love. Both religion and society should desist from creating obstacles in the path of true love with their myopic views, but should work towards the glorification of this lofty experience.
A curious fact is that many second generation nephews and nieces of His Grace have found their spouses outside their church, thereby enriching the family as a meeting place of different nationalities and cultures. Has it created any difficulties for him? I asked him once. He admitted that there would be some confusion initially. But there was no ill will at any time.
He said: “I would always invite their partners home. I have faith in God who does not discriminate on the basis of caste and religion”. But he would still insist that there is no contradiction between his views and that of the church on inter-caste marriage. As head of the church he would stand by the official view of the church. But he also encourages discussions about the need for changes in accordance with the requirements of changing times, without compromising his views as an individual.
The personality of His Grace does not answer to the established minds of spiritual gurus. Even in his centenary year, his thoughts continue to be surprisingly fresh and his wit pungent enough to pierce the target. He has numerous followers, drawn from different sects and castes. They love him and desire to spend time with him. He too enjoys spending time with all of them without any discrimination.
His Grace, who is a scholar, is the most esteemed bishop in Kerala. Perhaps he is the oldest among Indian bishops belonging to different denominations. His views on social and political issues are as much sought after as his views on community-related issues. The people stand by him as his considered views are not biased or preconceived.
Another set of people comes to him to get in touch with his godliness. His large heart has enough room to equally accommodate the criminal and the ascetic. Defying the existing tradition at the age of 90, His Grace voluntarily vacated the post of Metropolitan, the highest office at the Marthoma church. He did so in order to find more time to mingle with people. His Grace has stated that his mission in life is to live among the people.
His Grace turned to religious studies and missionary activities as he was born in a family with a deep tradition of spirituality. The crux of the faith that encircles his life is religious observance, not religious conversion. He believes that there is a heaven on earth and that there is God's presence in everyone.
The faith of His Grace is similar to the ancient Indian concept of "vasudaiva kudumbakam" which respects diversity. Overlooking the luxury or theological discourses, the spirituality His Grace speaks the simple language of kindness and love. He has exceptional courage to forge friendship and unity among diverse individuals and communities.
His Grace has stated that laughter is the best medicine for the body, mind and spirit. He has experienced it himself. He could conquer cancer with laughter. It was in 2002 that he was diagnosed with cancer of the rectum. But he had no fear of the terrible disease.
In those extremely trying days, he commented humorously that cancer had specially chosen him as a friend. He is one of the survivors of cancer who has been completely cured. It is now more than 10 years since he has been cured of cancer.
For us nephews, nieces and grandchildren, our uncle is the embodiment of permanent youth, who steals our hearts through the magnetism of his long lasting emotional bond with the new generation. He has never been a victim of generation gap. He, who guides us through the struggles of our personal lives by his unseen presence, transforms our lives into a celebration of wit and laughter, whenever he could spend some time with us in our homes.
His Grace would take part in all events, big and small, taking place in our homes. He keeps up his relationship with each one of us as individuals.
His Grace lost his mother when he was 16. His sisters were eleven and eight years old then. One brother was older and another younger. It appears as if he has not yet come to terms with the loss of his mother, as he speaks sadly about his mother being the `right hand' of her husband, about her prayers, about her unconditional love for the children and about the loss of motherly care they had to endure as children.
His Grace treasures the words of his father who said that he was not heartbroken by the death of his wife, as his children were always supportive. He said this at the age of 103, a few days before his death. For His Grace who revered his father, this was the highest expression of love.
His Grace recollected: “It was mother who taught us to find strength in prayer, without setting conditions."
(The author Meera Prasad is the daughter of the Pontiff’s youngest sister. This appeared in the Indian Express in the centenary year of His Grace)
