The last few months have been tumultuous for Keralites over a religious conversion and a wedding. When Akhila, a young medical student, embraced Islam, chose the name Hadiya and married Shafin Jahan, a Muslim man, her upset parents approached the judiciary claiming their daughter, a 24-year-old adult, was not acting on her free will. All through the legal tussle, though Hadiya has been maintaining that she had converted and married by choice, the Kerala High Court annulled the marriage and asked her to move in with her parents. There have been allegations of love jihad, ISIS recruitment, indoctrination and forced conversion, resulting in the case reaching the hands of the NIA. Now, a day on which Hadiya is all set to appear before Supreme Court, people from various strata express what they feel about the whole incident.
Actor-activist Parvathi T. believes that whom to live with and what religion to choose is an individual’s choice and if the government thinks that it is part of the ISIS campaign, that’s a purely security issue and this is not the way to deal with it. “No one has the right to meddle with an individual’s private matters in the name of security. Security issues related to terrorism can be dealt with properly since passport, visa and international relations are involved. How can that be associated with religion? If anyone is trapped or in distress abroad, that too can be dealt with. Instead, why such hullabaloo over a girl’s personal choice?” she asks.
“Why do parents make children? To make their lives secure and force their dreams and happiness on their children. The happiness of their kids don’t matter to them, at least for the majority in this generation. Our parental mindset is that children are bound to share family responsibilities, bear their financial and emotional burdens and live their lives according to their (parents’) will. There are mothers who forbid their kids from riding a bike or working away from home just because they are worried, and fathers who force upon the child his sole dream – to see him/her as a doctor or engineer. Children are expected to uphold their parents’ pride and family honour. How many of them are allowed to follow their own dreams? A girl, who is also a doctor, has taken a decision about her life. Whether we like it or not, we have to respect her choice,” Parvathi feels.
Airing similar views on social media, filmmaker and writer Sreebala K. Menon states that love is something that can be adapted into a story or movie, but never into life. Her Facebook post reads, “Most advices go like if you trust the person you love, you are doomed. How many women fall prey to the custom of arranged marriage based on dowry, religion and caste after which they are alienated from their homes? (sic)” She blames it on parental mindset, “As long as there are parents who think that their grown-up, educated, free-willed children should live in the circle they draw, according to their wishes, girls will continue to live under house arrest, be it Hadiya or Kanchanamala,” she says.
Young Gautami Nair, who has just finished her MA and is working as a guest lecturer in Thiruvananthapuram, too feels likewise. “I honestly don’t understand why there has to be such furore over the Hadiya case. What if a young woman chose to embrace another religion; what if she chose to marry a person belonging to that community! Hadiya is 24 and she has the right to take all decisions related to her life. I don’t think she is an illiterate, naive girl either to have been easily ‘brainwashed’ and made a victim of ‘love jihad’. She is being deprived of a happy and peaceful life just because society and the media have been unwelcome intruders. I guess it is high time Kerala stopped perceiving everything along communal lines,” she says.
However, writer and social activist Suneetha Balakrishnan thinks as both a mother and a citizen. “As a mother, I’d always be worried about whether the choice my daughter has made is right, if her decision is mature enough, etc. How much ever we believe that we have given the right direction to our children, we always have this fear that somewhere we have made a mistake and made them think in a way that is not right for their life. So we have that concern about the decisions they take; not that we don’t give them freedom.”
In the Hadiya case too, she wonders what the parents are thinking, especially the mother. “In spite of all the hullabaloo in the press, I always wonder what Hadiya’s mother is thinking. I didn’t read much about her opinions. It is always about her father. I always think what her mother is thinking – if she agrees to all this, if she is happy about her daughter’s happiness.” That much, Suneetha says, is when she thinks as a mother. But as a social activist, in her own shoes, Suneetha believes that Hadiya’s rights should be protected.
“Even my daughter is going to be 24. Hadiya is legally old enough to take a decision. She is already married. Taking her back (home) means you are dragging her to where she doesn’t want to belong. As a citizen, she has her rights. What’s happening is a total contradiction of what is allowed to her as a citizen. It is sad, seeing only one individual as a special case. As a human being, I think she should be left alone. If she is making the wrong decision, let her bear the consequences. That is what people do. As a citizen, she should be allowed to do what she wants. But as a mother, I will always worry about whether she will be happy about all these, and if her mother will be happy.” Justice is just hours away and we have to wait and see how things turn out – whether in favour of the girl who acted on her free will or the parents who want their daughter back.
