Dad tweets hilarious conversation with his four daughters

5-year-old: My putty is hard

Wife: When you don't use something for a long time, it gets stiff

Me: *looks up*

Wife: Don't you dare say it

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 23, 2016

5-year-old: I have a lab coat. I'm a doctor.

Me: Why is your lab coat missing the sleeves?

5: I'm Dr. Hulk. pic.twitter.com/SfujNSRgqO

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 24, 2016

Me: Sit there until you finish your lunch.

5-year-old: Fine!

*food gets cold*

*sun sets*

*world ends*

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 23, 2016

Me: How much cereal do you want?

3-year-old: More.

Me: *pours*

3: MORE!

[later]

Me: You didn't eat any of it.

3: You gave me too much.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 23, 2016

5-year-old: *dressed as Elsa* Zap! You're frozen.

Me: I don't have time to play right now

Wife: Take out the trash

Me: Can't. I'm frozen.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 22, 2016

Me: Can you come over here, princess?

5-year-old: Dad! I'm too old to be a princess!

Me: Then what should I call you?

5: The queen.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 22, 2016

[leaving home]

5-year-old: There's a slug blocking the door!

Me: It's harmless

5: Then you move it

Me:

5:

Me: Everybody out the window

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 22, 2016

Me: *ends a phone call*

5-year-old: Who was that?

Me: My boss. He just wanted to pick my brain.

5: Is he a zombie?

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 21, 2016

3-year-old: There's something wrong with this soap.

Me: What?

3: It tastes funny.

Sounds like user error.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 21, 2016

3-year-old: Why do you always carry the baby?

Me: She can't walk yet.

3: I think she's just lazy.

Busted.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 21, 2016

3-year-old: How much will you grow by your next birthday?

Me: Adults stop growing.

3: So you don't get older?

Me: Well, your mom doesn't.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 20, 2016

[watching a random cartoon with the kids]

Me: Why is the dog flying a helicopter?

3-year-old: Because he's a dog.

Well, that explains it.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 20, 2016

Me: Eat your vegetables. They make you grow.

5-year-old: But Mom said I'm growing up too fast.

I'm raising a lawyer.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 20, 2016

[floor is covered in water]

Me: I told you not to play in the sink!

3-year-old: I didn't!

Me:

3: It's from the toilet.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 19, 2016

5-year-old: What's puberty?

Me: It's when your body goes through changes.

5: Is that when I'll get my ice powers?

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 19, 2016

Me: Where did the grapes go?

Toddler: *sits there innocently with suspiciously chubby cheeks*

Me: For the last time, you're not a hamster.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2016

5-year-old: I drew a llamaman.

Me: What's that?

5: *rolls her eyes* A man who's a llama, Dad.

I have so much to learn about everything.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2016

Toddler: *spills an entire bowl of popcorn and then eats it off the floor*

5-year-old: Stop it!

Me: Let her go. I don't want to vacuum.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 17, 2016

3-year-old: Our house isn't very fast.

Me: It's a house. It doesn't move at all.

3: We should get a faster one.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 16, 2016

3-year-old daughter: A boy at daycare said he likes me.

Me: Do you like him back?

3: He colors outside the lines. He needs to grow up.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2016

Me: You forgot to brush your teeth. They're going to fall out.

5-year-old: That's the point.

That tooth fairy story backfired.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 14, 2016