Valentines Day just passed us by and the single men among us sat there, either contemplating how they would approach the love of their lives or else how well would they pull off if someone just came along and told who precisely would mushroom into the love of their lives so that they could focus their energies on it more efficiently.
If only the settled men paid that much attention. But I am not talking about being alert for this particular day rather being on the ball with the whole relationship thing the remaining 364 days of the year. It’s almost as if our primal hunter instincts bars us from having any sense of emotional belonging once we have achieved a kill. However, till that point it is all about — pursuit and persistence, and perseverance but once the prey has slowed down, allowing us to catch up and captivate, the men get their fill and seem to advance without as much as any sign of gratitude.
So what we need is to find a way to make that Valentine rush last all year long, something that makes us men believe that the hunt isn’t over and the pursuit is the purpose of the pairing. Not trying to induce insecurity but surely there has to be a way to keep the thrill of the chase going, right?
Well, here are a few things I can think of that we can do when it’s not Valentines Day, just to, you know, keep things fresh.
Co-activities: Finding things you can do together as a couple, especially new ones, is a great way to stay connected. When I took the lady skiing, she responded by taking me for a scuba dive, both were firsts for us. Today, we may dive more than I would like us to ski, but at least it has us doing things together that doesn’t involve something mundane like going to a mall or catching a movie.
Surprise yourself: Don’t restrict yourself to surprising your partner, it’s fun when you catch yourself off guard. From an unwarranted bouquet to tiny souvenirs you pick up on your business trips, a book that caught your eye or a quirky objet d’art that you suddenly felt drawn to, or an unplanned meal either at a restaurant or just ordering in — do things that may not come naturally to you, things that break the routine. If you find yourself wondering, ‘What the hell am I doing?’, chances are it’s the right zone to be exploring.
Speak up: I can assure you that the habit of internalising what you feel is not conducive to a good connect with our partner. Easier said than done for most men but it’s the way to go, or so I am told. Though I have to admit that I’m somewhat of an island in this regard.
Hear them out: Since I’m personally not so vocal, I compensate it by trying to be a good listener. Trouble is that my brain doesn’t retain much and often allegations are brought up against me (nothing serious, just stuff like ‘you promised to bathe the pup today’) and I have no recollection of having said or agreed to them.
Remember: I know I just mentioned it above but it’s reiteration for the sake of stressing the importance of this virtue. In fact, I think I shall record all that is said to me, for it is the only way I can refute things attributed to me, things for which I have to take a fall when I never even said them, or at least don’t recall having been silly enough to blurt them out. Like, who wishes to go shopping for veggies on a Sunday morning? Anyway, back to the rosy subject of love, clearly I digressed. But this is precisely what life does to us. Which is why we need to take steps to bring us back to the path of appreciating the person who has chosen us to let us annoy her for the rest of her sane life. Give your partner some credit and feel thankful for having him/her in your life.
The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine...