There is more than one issue to worry about here. When the video of a girl smoking with her guy friends went viral on Facebook, people took sides, pointed fingers at her or supported her freedom. But a more basic question is—why do we bother either way, why does it attract the attention it gets that a video of men smoking does not? Even an online portal takes the stance of a moral police, chiding the young woman for what they call ‘licentiousness’.
Ask around and you find many women nodding, with some similar experience to talk about. Ammu, a content writer in Thiruvananthapuram, says: “One time, couple of years ago, a female friend and I were commenting on a post in my wall and had happened to say something about drinking and were calling each other names, like any friends would do. Someone took a screenshot of this and shared it in some group that we were not a part of, giving a title “Kerala samskaram” (Kerala culture). Soon enough, I started getting messages from random men asking if I drink and want to get together, which I chose to ignore. As for my friend, she had someone stalking her in real life after this incident.”
The title chosen here— Kerala samskaram — says a lot about what causes ‘offence’. That question of Malayali culture that we as a society appear to pull out of a drawer and use whenever there is a woman involved.
In the words of writer Jaishree Misra, “In Kerala, women’s empowerment has travelled backwards, sadly. When the matrilineal system was prevalent among the Nairs, women were highly empowered in every way - financially, socially and sexually. Prudish Victorian men took all that away, leaving moralistic, judgmental and highly conservative attitudes instead. Now it looks like we will need to start the fight from the very beginnings again just to get a level playing field.”
Ammu feels the reason it becomes an issue in Kerala is simply because it is not commonly seen. “In movies, sure, but it’s always the bad girls or hookers doing it (smoking). I’m not talking about just the men, even moms and little girls stare. But that’s also the case when you wear short skirts or a tank top in Kerala.” Girls, who are thus judged ‘bad’, are then approached in a different way.
A 21-year-old who doesn’t wish to be named talks about a time two men saw her smoking and stopped their bikes to ask how much she charges. “I thought I heard them wrong but then they asked if I would sleep with them. And then there are some ‘ultra concerned stranger uncles’ who say ‘you are like my daughter’, go on to advice you about smoking, and then grope you later.”
The girl in question here, may not have known about the video being made. That’s what upsets Farhana, who works at Technopark. “It is absurd that people are pointing fingers at the girl - what about the men taking a video without her consent and then sharing it online? Out of principle, I didn’t watch the video. These people shamelessly go on and on about culture and values, but where are their own values when they infringe a person’s privacy? That’s plain hypocrisy.”
Journalist Neelima Menon says: “I think there is a fundamental problem in our upbringing. Chauvinistic thoughts are ingrained from a young age. Men are just not tuned to accept strong women. Feminism is an abused term. Feminism is about equal rights not purusha vidhwesham (hatred of men). We are judgmental about everything. From Manju Warrier to Ranjini Haridas, we are eager to label them all as sluts just because they chose to live the life they wanted."
A comforting point to take away here is how a lot of young men also voice their anger at all the moral policing. Shibily, a college student from Angamaly, says: “Why is everybody giving too much attention to the girl in the video when she is surrounded by eight or nine guys. This is the biased thinking that comes from the ‘typical Malayali girl'’concept. Being a girl should never be a reason for not having fun. Everybody has their freedom to live the way they want.”
