Know when it’s time to end your friendship

DECCAN CHRONICLE. | Edited by : KAVITA MALLYA
Published Jul 20, 2019, 6:30 pm IST
Updated Jul 20, 2019, 6:30 pm IST
Friendships, like relationships, can go sour and become toxic over time.
While your friend could have occasionally hurt you, if it happens on a regular basis, then it is time to end the friendship. (Photo: Representational/Pexels)
 While your friend could have occasionally hurt you, if it happens on a regular basis, then it is time to end the friendship. (Photo: Representational/Pexels)

You may have spent years with this person, you may have made some amazing memories, but if your friend shows certain signs, know that it is the right time to end a friendship. Evaluate your relationship with your friend carefully before deciding to end it.

"An issue that would be a deal breaker in some friendships may not be in others," said Gina Handley Schmitt, a psychotherapist, to Bustle. Here are some signs you should end a friendship, according to experts.

 

They make you feel worse

Pay attention to how you feel before you hang out with your friend and after you hang out with your friend. "For example, do you dread going to see them? Do you feel disrespected and put-down while you are together?" asked Christine Scott, a licensed psychotherapist. While your friend could have occasionally hurt you, if it happens on a regular basis, then it is time to end the friendship.

You can’t trust them to keep secrets

"Confiding in your friends to keep your private things private is essential," Dr Sanam Hafeez, New York City-based neuropsychologist said. "A good friend would respect your confidence and not share your secrets with anyone." If you find that your friend often betrays your trust and spills your secrets, it could be a major red flag in your friendship.

They take advantage of you

Does your friend constantly ask you for favours but is not there when you need them? Do they regularly ask to borrow money from you but never lend you any? "This is probably a sign that your friend takes advantage of you and doesn’t treat the friendship as a mutual relationship," Hafeez said. "If you are always there for your friend in their time of need, but they go silent when it’s yours, it’s best to think about ending the friendship."

They are constantly negative

The best part of a friendship is able to share the most difficult parts of your life with each other. But if your friend refuses to listen to you about your problems, worries and family troubles, then rethink your friendship. If you find your friend complaining for every small nuisance, it can impact your mental health. "If your friend is surrounding you with negative energy, they are less likely to ask about you and wind up talking more about themselves."

They’ve betrayed you

"No relationship can truly thrive if there is no trust," Hafeez said. "A friend who has betrayed you is one that you should reconsider keeping." Some things are minor enough to be forgive, but if your friend commits a major betrayal like stealing from you or making a move on your partner, they should probably be cut off from your life. If you feel that it is something you will not be able to forgive, then move on from them.

They don’t make time for you

No matter how busy you are with work, family, and other chores, all make time for your friend. If you find your friend constantly cancelling plans with you then examine the situation closely. There is a difference between not being able to make time and a friend who is genuinely disinterested in you. "Sometimes a friendship dynamic changes, and one person in the friendship is no longer committed to spending quality time together," Schmitt said. Just accept that sometimes, you grow apart from a friend and you’ll have to move on.

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