Recently, I came across a case of separation for reasons that were very strange. A friend of mine told me that he left his girlfriend because she was “too nice” and “too wifely”. “You mean you didn’t want a wife who was a good wife candidate?” I asked him, befuddled. What I deciphered from his responses was that a man can feel differently towards an intended wife and a steady girlfriend.
This difference is between the romantically stimulating, desirable girl and the good girl who cares too much, to the point of being suffocating. I’d never have believed it, but there is a situation where being loved too much can also be a problem! “Listen, there needs to be some fun and flair, and a little playful space. Even uncertainty makes for pizazz. Quit the blandness, lady. I think I prefer celebratory champagne over the goody-goody glass of milk,” he said simply, and a well-known saying came to mind immediately — ‘nice girls finish last.’
When he said she was “too wifely” he meant that she made him feel the pressure of being domesticated already. It seemed to take the edge off all the flirtation — the most charming time before being tied down. It is quite clear to me now. Man or woman, when fussed around too much, will end up feeling hemmed in. He/she will forever be on tenterhooks — while doing, saying or suggesting anything.
As a consequence, he/she will not quite remain himself/herself and will not enjoy being with his/her loved one. My friend had even begun to resent the smugness that took over her demeanour after his unspoken, undue domestication. If he had people over at his house, she took on the role of official hostess and busied about his space.
The spice of a tiff, the thrill of making up after some playful light-heartedness, the exciting “chase” that is enjoyed in the challenge of getting the woman or man of one’s dreams is missing! Of course, after marriage the mind is more accepting of domesticity. Too much of anything — even a good thing — can be a problem. It is wiser to tread a path where one is not disliked for good endeavours and is not taken for granted or worse, resented.
A casual toss of your hair and a naughty smile every now and then might be more than enough to get your partner to chase you to the end of time. At the end of the day, I think everyone must be their own self. After all, each relationship is an individual equation and one size certainly doesn’t fit all! If a girl likes being the “wifely” model, then so be it. There is surely a man out there who will love her for it. Just remember that there are greater chances of being taken for granted where you give too much without receiving enough in return. The art of being a giver and a taker needs to be mastered for a happy relationship.
The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com
