The excessive need to please someone is a disruptive emotion. It can reach a point where one's own needs are neglected. Adding fuel to the fire are the men whose constant criticism produces insecurity in their wives. (Representational Image)
Sushmita’s husband kept up an endless flow of criticism. According to him, she was as exciting as a lump of dough! She could do nothing right. Her sexual skills left a lot to be desired. The criticism was not restricted to sex – all her actions were under the scanner. She lacked dress sense; her hair did not look good.
If the bathroom tap leaked or if a pair of socks could not be found, it was her fault. If the children did not score well in their tests, her mothering skills were questioned. Sushmita hadn’t the faintest clue how to please him. She tried extra hard, but nothing worked.
He was a great one to preach but stopped short at practicing what he preached. He left a trail of destruction behind him, never helped out with the kids or any household work, and was oblivious to happenings at home. And Sushmita wondered why she did not enjoy sex either.
The excessive need to please someone is a disruptive emotion. It can reach a point where one’s own needs are neglected. Adding fuel to the fire are the men whose constant criticism produces insecurity in their wives.
Come on guys, introspect!
Why do men criticize? One reason could be lack of confidence. Are you so insecure that you have to find fault with all aspects of your wife to feel a sense of one-upmanship over her? Are you jealous of her multi-tasking skills and thus want to put her down to smoothen your ruffled ego. Or are you secretly afraid your wife will get the better of you and bask in the limelight?
Guys, understand the contexts and concepts underlying your respective individual lives and act accordingly. Stereotypes are out. Understand that or be prepared to lose the one person who will stand by you throughout your life.
A few ideas:
1 If you expect a change, there is a way to get you point across.
2 Request instead of criticizing.
3 Practice what you preach. Your partner’s requests should also be well received.
4 If you expect her to understand you, do the same for her.
Nobody is perfect. Do not criticize. Convince by cajoling.