Drop the inhibitions

DECCAN CHRONICLE. | EZEKIEL MAJELLO G
Published Nov 10, 2019, 12:51 am IST
Updated Nov 10, 2019, 12:51 am IST
“Sex is a deep profound form of meditation”, says Arthi, a psychotherapist who educates people for a healthy sexual diet.
Arthi
 Arthi

Why did you want to rediscover sex?
Being a psychotherapist I meet people at their most vulnerable state and inevitably the topic of their intimate erotic nature unfolds and there is always a huge amount of shame associated with sexuality.  I found myself being unequipped to help my clients navigate their bedroom challenges. My education gave me insights to the biological and medical aspects of sexuality which were insufficient to address the various dynamics of human sexuality.  As I started researching, I understood India had the best ancient manual to the art of sexuality and there is a whole science that looks at how we can use sex to spiritually awaken and nobody has ever taught us these things. So I dived right into rediscovering sex without  shame and as a sacred art and a deep healing medicine.

How do you think a person needs to face issues like depression, anxiety, behavioural issues, personality disorder & relationship issues?
Having an awareness that mental disorders can affect anyone at any time. Seeking professional help will lead to new perspectives to life’s situations and will leave you feeling heard, safe and not alone is an important first step.

 

The next is handy tools like breath work, exercise, regular self-care, journaling  to help navigate uncomfortable emotions is a healthy practice.

In adulthood taking sexual satisfaction seriously as it reflects our mental health. From a neurological perspective,” orgasm” goes to one of the deepest parts of the brain and can create amazing change.

As a mother and wife, how do you approach the sexual life and do you tech sex education to your kids?
At home and in my clinical practice I take advantage of every teachable moment to talk about sex in a positive tone. My younger son said to  me one day.

Son: “Mom, my wee wee is big and hard”
Me: “oh boy,That’s great! :) Now, go into your bedroom and play with your hard penis, sweetie”.

Oof!! Yes, it’s very important to teach children the right names to their private body parts. Normalising starts early so remember that self-touch for children can be a natural part of healthy sexual development and is not rooted in adult sexuality or eroticism.

How we respond can make a difference in the messages, they internalise about their own body awareness and rights to pleasure.

What do you advise for newly married couples who are hesitant to strip before their partner?
As a sex expert, my advice to newly married couples is to first get to know your own body from a deep intimate level experience its pleasures and be comfortable in your own skin before sharing your body with your partner.  

Having an open ongoing communication about sex, preferences and limitations is the key to a hot, healthy relationship.

Most importantly, sex should not be considered as a chore towards their partner and being able to say no in a healthy manner is key.

Do you think sex is a sacred relationship? If so kindly explain the soul connect in it rather than the physical contact?
Sex is a deep profound form of meditation! For sex to be sacred you need to change your language around it and see sex as Sacred Energy Xchange. Two people come together heart to heart, soul to the soul rather than just body to body while making love. Energies are interwoven through their physical bodies to meet the divine and sex truly becomes the way to spiritual enlightenment.

How do you deal with the blocks you have to deeply connect with another person?
In order to deconstruct the blocks we have, we have to relearn everything we have been taught. Deconstruct all taboos, fears, desires and anguish and enter into a journey of self-knowledge connecting deeply within oneself.

Vaginismus and erectile dysfunction problems seemed to be a big threat to today’s youngsters. What people should do for that?
So many women experience vaginismus as a result of disconnect from their own bodies and this could be due to past sexual abuse or trauma. There needs to be psychoeducation on how trauma can shut you down sexually. When a woman is in tune with her natural state of seduction she spreads love and warmth around her.

Erectile dysfunction can be psychological, physical or some combination. For most youngsters, it is due to performance anxiety and the influence of porn.

Most men feel that they can’t give birth to a child if they masturbate often. Is it true?
These myths were scare tactics used to dissuade people from joyfully exploring their genitals. Masturbation is a healthy practice with moderation as a key!

We all deserve to experience the pleasure, deep healing, personal transformation and spiritual growth that are available through self-touch and self-pleasuring. So let’s rethink projecting avoidance, shame or embarrassment. Our young people especially should be free to gain confidence in their bodies and understand what feels pleasing to them before they enter the world of sex with partners.

Disasters like a newly born baby being raped in the country. What is the cause for that and what can be done to prevent problems like these?
Rape, incest, sexual abuse is a growing problem in our communities.

Emotional suppression, sexual repression, no rites of passage, lack of a healthy platform or role models whom you can look up to or talk about and explore ones changing sexuality leads to a destructive exploration of sexual energy. We all know intuitively how to eat, one day we discover a diet plan and start eating healthier. Similarly, we all intuitively know how to make babies, now is the time to get curious about a healthy sexual diet!

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