Expectations of finding love can be a self-made trap: Dr N Sucharita

I am a 30-year-old man. I have been looking for love and haven’t found any. I have made my peace with arranged marriage and still haven’t found someone genuinely. I don’t know if something is wrong with me or if I am plain unlucky. Please help.

Like most people who have expectations from relationships you too are hopeful of finding love in marriage. Expectations of finding love or that one special person who will fill your life with joy and happiness can be a self-made trap that can be very hard to get out. When looking for a life partner most people would look for an ideal mate.

Be it an arranged or love marriage, highlighting your expectations in a relationship can lead to disappointment and self doubt. Instead of listing what you are looking for in your partner how about considering what you have to offer in a relationship? By consciously working on what you can contribute in a relationship, you will start exploring your insecurities. Searching for unconditional and genuine love from your life partner could actually arise from insecurities that you are struggling to accept.

Have you tried to really work on qualities that will make you a better person? Qualities such as patience, loyalty, respect and trust that will make you a reliable person in marriage. Self-enquiry into your own personality can lead to insights about yourself that can help you grow and mature and contribute effectively in marriage.

— This query has been answered by Dr N. Sucharita PhD, from Roshni Counselling Centre, Hyderabad 040-6666 1117/18 Write to us at feedback.age@gmail.com with “expert advice” in the subject line.