Living with a frenemy

DECCAN CHRONICLE.
Published Dec 4, 2017, 12:06 am IST
Updated Dec 4, 2017, 12:06 am IST
Bestie trying to ruin your future? Experts advise on how to handle situations with care.
Meghan Markle was always fascinated by the Royal Family.
 Meghan Markle was always fascinated by the Royal Family.

Photos of the latest addition to the British Royal Family Meghan Markle outside Buckingham Palace with friend Ninaki Priddy during their teens is doing the rounds on the internet. So are Priddy’s pungent claims of the Hollywood starlet to have schemed marrying a Royal all her life. Her exact words to The Daily Mail, “I’m not surprised [by the engagement] at all. It’s like she’s been planning this her whole life. She gets exactly what she wants and Harry has fallen for her play.

She was always fascinated by the Royal Family. She wants to be Princess Diana 2.0. She will play her role ably, but my advice to him is to tread cautiously.”
With friends like these, who needs enemies? Priddy is clearly not happy about Markle’s success and good luck and has displayed her bitterness through her words and actions. Celebrity victory coach Farzana Suri explains, “In all probability, Priddy sees herself as average and hates Markle for being special, perhaps because deep down she is probably bitter that a close friend “always got what she wanted – successful career, money, looks and now not just some ordinary guy but a royal prince!” while she does not.  It’s evident in Priddy’s statement – ‘She gets exactly what she wants and Harry has fallen for her play’.”
Feeling J

 

Jealousy is present in the best of relationships. Back home, it was rumoured that friends from Bollywood and the business fraternity tried to break the Tina Munim-Anil Ambani alliance. “Jealousy is often sparked by money where the difference in financial stature can affect friendships. Even finding a new romantic relationship can trigger feelings of low esteem in the friend who has not been able to successfully manage a ‘good catch’. It is a threat to their social status and the comparison reminds them that they haven’t made it to the top. They hate it when their friends become successful,” adds Suri.

But shouldn’t besties want the best for each other? “In an ideal world, yes. I feel so proud of my friends who are way above me, and look up to them and their qualities, and try and imbibe them as it inspires me to reach greater heights. However, it’s more pertinent to say that jealousy stems when you feel you are not going to achieve that mark or goal. It’s beyond you - it’s a lot to do with self-esteem and a sense of self,” explains lifestyle Icon and Life Coach Nawaz Modi Singhania.

Cut off the limb to save a life
Singhania believes that when friends use our friendship to gain trust to then actually work it against us, their intent is clear and stern. “Those friendships need to be cut out of our lives with great dignity and respect. Speak your truth because the other person holds you up to it – just don’t use language. If you cannot, just walk off. I’ve done this many times - cut the cancer out. Keeping negativity in your life leaves no space for the positive to come in. Create the vaccum for positive relations to come fill that space. I have lived my life by this and have been extremely successful at it,” she adds.

Collateral damage While an act like this demonstrates the insecurity of the friend and reveals the depths the friend will go to, to vent frustration, bitterness and low self-esteem, how it transcends on the equation of the couple in question depends on the relationship they share. “If a relationship is weak, it might trigger thoughts of doubt. Sit down and talk about it. Discuss anxieties, fears and suspicions. Clearing the air before is far better before than allowing it to fester for years,” suggests Suri.

Repair work
Suri suggests it’s best for Markle to ignore and take the higher ground. “Anything she says in her defence will have Priddy give a rejoinder and it could get into a slinging battle. Markle should focus on her life and future. Retaliation will leave a digital footprint and the words may come back to haunt someday. Be compassionate and say a prayer of well-being for them for they need it the most,” she adds.

Singhania on the other hand would get deeper into it to find why the friend is saying such a thing. “Ask yourself first if there any element of truth to it – has she spoken about my character, is there some misunderstanding that I can clear up? Relationships need to be mended like fences, and you must keep your fences in good repair. Otherwise, they don’t work. Address it, speak the truth and move on,” says Singhania, who believes that a clarification in the press would be a good idea for Markle so that her intentions are not misconstrued. “Whatever the truth, her friend should have exercised a lot of discretion and one really wonders the details of that friendship but that’s for the two friends to sort out between them,” she adds.

What life coaches say

 Kashish Chhabria: How much ever someone might try to get in your shoes, unless you let them in, it won't work. It's not jealousy that motivates this sort of behaviour, but it's the fact that they don't want to be in the position that they are — they want to be somewhere else. Insecurity is what later leads to jealousy in this situation

 Farhana Vora: You only covet what you see, as close friends share each other's lives and dreams, their closeness sometimes can go into jealousy and envy. Or the friend be stating a mere fact that maybe seen as meanness. The choice is ours, the thoughts are ours and the feelings that arise also belong to us. Finally, choose what makes you feel good. You owe yourself that much. In being aware and mindfulness we can choose happiness.

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