Mother, a silent torchbearer
Hyderabad: Motherhood isn’t one long story, it’s a series of chapters. From sleepless nights of cradling a newborn to waving goodbye at the school gate, from watching a teenager pack their bags for college and then one day, a packed suitcase when the child is leaving home for college, a job, a new life.
Each stage brings a transformation in motherhood. A mother’s role shifts slowly, silently from doing everything for the child, to doing nothing but waiting for a call.
Mother’s Day is celebrated every year on its second Sunday in May, celebrations often focus on the early joys of motherhood and new mothers but there’s another side that is behind closed doors, marked by distance, silence and adjustment. This distance, this bittersweet pride is what many mothers describe as empty nest syndrome, a deeply emotional phase when children leave home to build lives of their own.
For K. Rajyalakshmi, a homemaker, life changed the day her only son left for Canada to pursue his master’s degree. The house suddenly felt too empty and quiet. “I thought I was ready, We had planned this for months, shopped for everything he needed. But nothing prepared me for that moment when I hugged him goodbye at the airport,” she said.
Now, three months later, she finds comfort in holding his cricket bat in the corner, the posters on the wall, the belongings that he left behind. I set an alarm for him every evening to wake him up and I still keep his room the same way, like he’s coming back tomorrow,” Rajyalakshmi added.
Sujatha Prasanna, a mother in her 50’s, has two sons, one working in Mumbai and another in Bengaluru. Both left home several years ago for their careers. The initial transition was painful. “Intially I used to wait for their call everyday and we spoke every single day and if I don’t get a call from them I would get anxious.”
Over time, things changed. “The conversations and the calls reduced and I got used to it. My elder son will randomly call and ask, ‘Amma how do you make that chutney’ and that one question is enough for me to feel needed,” she said. “We don’t talk every day, but I feel them with me all the time, motherhood becomes quiet but it never fades,” she added.
Raziya Shaik, 66, has entered into a new season of motherhood and became a grandmother. Her daughter lives in Pune and has two children. “Now, I’m a mother and a grandmother. Whenever I visit her I sit on the sofa and watch her run around feeding and scolding.
It’s in these small, everyday moments that mothers often feel the distance, but also the satisfaction of knowing their children are managing on their own.
For Raziya, seeing her daughter take on the same role she once did brings pride and an emotion of completion. “She does things I used to do, adding haldi when someone sneezes, making up silly rhymes to make the kids eat. And I smile, because a part of me lives on through her.”
There is a moment in every mother’s journey when she realises her child no longer needs her the way they once did. It doesn’t come suddenly, it slowly crawls in. When they stop asking you how to iron a shirt, when they book their own tickets, manage their own illnesses or start calling once a week instead of every day.
Psychologists say that empty nest syndrome is not a clinical diagnosis but a very real emotional experience. It can bring a mix of loss, pride and disorientation, especially for mothers whose identities have been shaped around caregiving.
“When children leave home, parents often feel a kind of sadness. It’s a mix of pride and emptiness and both feelings are real and it's normal for them to feel that way when their kids move out because the routine changes and emotions take time to settle,” said P. Jawaharlal Nehru, a psychologist.
Revathi Krishnan, recalled an incident with her son. “My son was going for a trip with his friends, I asked him if he wanted me to pack something for him, he said ‘it’s okay Amma, I can do it,” she said. “Then I realised he didn’t need me the same way any more. That’s a good thing but it still hits somewhere that you spend years doing everything for someone and then one day they do just fine without you.”
S. Lavanya, whose daughter now lives in London said, “We may not be in the same house or even the same country. But I still know when she’s upset even through a text. I still wake up thinking of her, pray before she has an important meeting, worry if she had dinner. That part of being a mother doesn’t change. Distance changes the routine, not the relationship.”
