During the past weeks of self-isolation and quarantine, one of the largest American online divorce platforms, Onlinedivorce.com, has reported a sharp increase in those couples who would like to prepare divorce documents. We are all going through a difficult period now, feeling a lot of stress, pressure, and fear, but how to overcome it? What can you do to not be among these couples in the coming months?
That Saving Distance
Daily absence from home including going to work, visiting friends and relatives, working out at the gym, and other activities, help people with poor personal boundaries to get along together. The distance (especially if, at the same time, your attention is focused on other useful things) helps to reduce conflict. By being distanced from each other, people often begin to appreciate each other more. Therefore, couples who are active and have many occupations and interests almost never quarrel. The conflict simply does not have time to grow when people are distracted, have time to calm down, and are able to see what is possible without the quarrel.
For a couple or a family, it is often favorable when there is a common enemy. The focus is on the enemy instead of each other. When fighting with him, there is less time to find fault with each other and no one is annoying each other.
When talking about the situation of self-isolation, it is a completely different story. In this case, you have no ability to distance, no useful deeds, and no common enemies. You almost certainly will find enemies in each other and will fight for the little bit of territory you share. Due to idleness and general irritation, you may see your partner as the cause of your troubles.
Therefore, being isolated within a confined space is suitable only for people with good personal boundaries. When there are no external contributing circumstances, working on the inner core and self-reliance becomes especially important.
The quarantine can be a chance for you to strengthen your relationship if you are prepared to do the work (foremost, on yourself) in these extreme conditions.
Start With Self-Organization
When you find yourself locked up and external resources in the form of friends, colleagues, and an active social life cease to be in your normal state, you must organize the same active life at home without outside help in order to start the engine.
You need a daily workout. It should be at least 20 minutes but intense. Find a suitable mobile app to help you. They can provide much-needed motivation. It doesn't matter if you have sports equipment, a spacious yard, or live in a small studio. You can always find a way to workout. Self-reliance, remember? Put the bike on special support on the balcony and just pedal like on an exercycle. An hour of movement per day with the windows open is enough to keep your brain fit.
Your home should be clean and tidy
You can deal with living in a messy house if you leave for several hours every day or are engaged in creative work at home. But if you are lounging and not leaving your home, you can go nuts living in a place like that. You may become angry with your family or spouse for oppressing you, even though it is the mess that is causing your grief. Do the cleaning and do not ask anyone to help you. If your partner wants, he or she will join, but you should clean your house yourself every day. Everything should be tidy and organized. You can even try to clear out the clutter following the Marie Kondo system, or any other trendy approach. Quarantine is a good time to get rid of unnecessary things that make your living space overly crowded. This will reduce your annoyance, provided that you do not think that someone owes you something for this feat.
Stop eating a lot and drinking alcohol
Use the isolation period to get in shape. You do not have to fast or follow a strict diet. You just need to eat moderately, exercise some, and relax without seeking alcohol. If you like yourself in the mirror, your mood will improve. Your image is an essential energy resource, which strongly affects your mood. If you are unhappy with your reflection in the mirror, you will soon begin to get annoyed with your loved ones. Looking for a place to assign guilt is a common feature of people with poor personal boundaries.
Be self-sufficient and generous
A person with good personal boundaries does not need distance to defuse tensions. A person with normal personal boundaries does not lose his or her temper or feel the need to lash out because he or she is not trying to take anything from anyone. Once you realize this, working on relationships becomes easier. Do not criticize your spouse, do not preach to them about how they should behave, do not command them about what to do, do not make yourself the head of the family, and do not seek anything from anyone. Feel reliant only on yourself. Recognize that the desire to dominate is a way to use loved ones for self-affirmation and self-expression. Do not ask anything from anyone, and do not expect anything. Provide yourself with everything you need, and share with your loved ones. Help provide support without being greedy and egocentric. A person with good personal boundaries is self-sufficient and generous.
We are sorry if this article disappointed you because of the fact that it does not provide any examples of manipulation or ways to chain your partner to you. The truth is that these approaches always give the opposite effect. An independent person is one who does not need to receive support and empathy and gains much more as a result. Everyone wants to be close to a strong and loving man/woman who steadfastly copes with difficulties, especially at a time like this. So, stay home, and stay in love!
Disclaimer: No Deccan Chronicle journalist was involved in creating this content. The group also takes no responsibility for this content.