London: Former One Direction member Zayn Malik, who had to cancel past performances due to his struggle with anxiety, says that he decided to go public with his personal battle as he wanted to be honest about his condition.
"I just couldn't go through with it. Mentally, the anxiety had won. Physically, I knew I couldn't function. I would have to pull out," the musician writes in his memoir, Zayn, whose excerpts have been published by Time.
Malik says that after another such cancellation at Wembley, one of his team members offered to write a statement saying he had taken ill, but the musician says he was done with putting out statements that masked what was really going on.
"I wanted to tell the truth. Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of; it affects millions of people every day."
The singer, 23, says that he wanted to connect with fans who were going through issues similar to him and he wanted to be honest for their sake.
"When I was in One Direction, my anxiety issues were huge but, within the safety net of the band, they were at least manageable. As a solo performer, I felt much more exposed, and the psychological stress of performing had just gotten to be too much for me to handle at that moment, at least. Rather than hiding away, sugar-coating it, I knew I had to put it all out there," he writes.
The singer says that while his statement opened up a lot of speculation and negativity, he was blown away by the outpouring of support from his fans.
Malik left One Direction in March 2015, saying he missed being a normal 22-year-old and spend time away from spotlight.
The singer also took to Instagram to share his thoughts about the book with his 15.9 million followers.
"As you guys know I am releasing my book tomorrow. This book is my diary of a period of time that I would like to share with you all... There are things I address in the book that are very personal to me, things that I have never told anyone, things I still find hard to talk about.
"It is a part of the journey that I am still on. The good news is today, I am inspired, I am healthy and I am grateful," he wrote.
