Mumbai: Estranged Bollywood couple Saif Ali Khan and Amrita Singh may be cordial to one another now but back in the time, when they had just parted ways, Saif revealed the secret details of their marriage and their visibly nasty split to a popular daily in 2005.
The Nawab, who divorced Amrita in 2004, after 13 years of marriage, sounded like a distraught father and was pining to reconnect with his kids- Sara Ali Khan and Ibrahim Ali Khan- who were living with Amrita and her relatives at that time.
“My wife and I have gone our separate ways. I respect my wife’s space. But why am I being constantly reminded of how terrible a husband I was, and how awful a father I am. I’ve my son Ibrahim’s photograph in my wallet. Each time I look at it, I feel like crying. I miss my daughter Sarah all the time. I’m not allowed to meet my children. They aren’t allowed to come to visit me, let alone stay with me. Why? Because there’s a new woman in my life who’d influence my children against their mother. That’s so much hogwash and Amrita knows it. Right now my kids are growing up with Amrita’s relatives and maidservants while she’s out working in a TV serial. Why does she need to do that, when I’m more than willing to support my family,” said Saif.
The actor, who was apparently not making big bucks during the early 2000s, was struggling to make ends meet, provide for his children and pay alimony to Amrita. But, despite the financial crunch, he was determined to carry out his responsibilities. “I’m supposed to give Amrita INR 5 crore, of which I’ve already given her approximately INR 2.5 crore. Also, I’m paying INR 1 lakh per month until my son becomes 18. I’m not Shah Rukh Khan. I don’t have that kind of money. I’ve promised her I’ll pay up the rest of the money, and I will, even if I’ve to slog till I drop dead. Whatever I’ve earned from doing ads, stage shows and films is being given for my children. I’ve no money. Our bungalow is for Amrita and the kids, and never mind the relatives who’ve joined her after my departure.”
Saif also implied that Amrita used to hurl abuses at his sisters (Soha Alia Khan and Saba Ali Khan) and mother (Sharmila Nath Tagore). Talking about his then girlfriend Rosa Catalano, he said that she gave him the much-needed solace. “Rosa and I stay in a pokey two-room apartment. Still, I’ve never been more at peace with myself. After a long long time, I feel my self-worth has returned. It isn’t nice to be constantly reminded of how worthless you are and to have taunts, jeers, insults and abuses thrown at your mother and sister all the time. I’ve gone through all of it. Now I feel healed again. Today, if I’ve found someone who actually makes me feel I’m worth something, what’s wrong with it' Earlier, I had hit such a rock bottom with my self-esteem that I’d be shocked if someone complimented me for my looks! Today if someone says something nice, I say, ‘That’s fine. Stars are supposed to be complimented’”
Rosa being a commoner was a ‘blessing’ for the star as his career was constantly credited to Amrita’s connections with the ‘bigwigs’ in the Bollywood film industry like the Johars. He said: Unlike Amrita, Rosa is not from the film industry. Sure, I liked being put in touch with the industry’s bigwigs by Amrita, having dinner with Karan Johar, etc. But in hindsight, I’d have been better off finding my way through the industry. There’s a theory that I became whatever I am because Amrita took me by my finger and led me through it all. She has played a big hand in my growth as an actor and human being. But it’s a blessing to be with a woman who has nothing to do with movies. Even Shah Rukh’s wife Gauri keeps out of his career. I’d like to keep it that way.
The doting father that he is, Saif wanted his children back but not through distasteful means. “I really want my kids. But I don’t want to put up a constant fight over them. If they are to be taken away from me then let Amrita call them Sara Singh and Ibrahim Singh. Let my daughter become 18 and ask me, ‘Where were you Dad when my brother and I needed you'’ Let me die of shame. But please don’t kill me with a feeling of constant guilt just because I’ve had the courage to finally walk away from an impossible relationship to find some solace.”
He concluded by saying that he does not want to engage in an altercation with Amrita and wishes her and his kids to be happy. “I want no confrontation with Amrita. She was and will remain, an integral part of my life. I want her and my kids to be happy.”
Whatever the past is, Saif is now happily married to Kareena Kapoor Khan and the power couple has welcomed their first child Taimur Ali Khan on December 20 last year....