Mumbai: Few months back, actor Irrfan Khan shocked everyone when he revealed that he is suffering from the neuroendocrine cancer. In a Twitter post, the 51-year-old actor had earlier said that "sometimes you wake up with a jolt with life shaking you up".
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The actor has now spoken about his illness and described his turmoil to The Times of India.
The daily quoted Irrfan as saying, “I had been in a different game, I was travelling on a speedy train ride, had dreams, plans, aspirations, goals, was fully engaged in them. And suddenly someone taps on my shoulder and I turn to see. It’s the TC: “Your destination is about to come. Please get down.” I am confused: “No, no. My destination hasn’t come.” “No, this is it. This is how it is sometimes. The suddenness made me realise how you are just a cork floating in the ocean with UNPREDICTABLE currents! And you are desperately trying to control it.”
“In this chaos, shocked, afraid and in panic, while on one of the terrifying hospital visits, I blabber to my son, “The only thing I expect from ME is not to face this crisis in this present state. I desperately need my feet. Fear and panic should not overrule me and make me miserable,” he added, “That was my INTENTION. AND THEN PAIN HIT. As if all this while, you were just getting to know pain, and now you know his nature and his intensity. Nothing was working; NO consolation, no motivation. The entire cosmos becomes one at that moment – just PAIN, and pain felt more enormous than GOD,” Irrrfan further said.
The 'Blackmail' actor added, “This realisation made me submit, surrender and trust, irrespective of the outcome, irrespective of where this takes me, eight months from now, or four months from now, or two years. The concerns took a back seat and started to fade and kind of went out of my mindspace. For the first time, I felt what ‘freedom’ truly means. It felt like an accomplishment. As if I was tasting life for the first time, the magical side of it. My confidence in the intelligence of the cosmos became absolute. I feel as if it has entered every cell of mine. Time will tell if it stays, but that is how I feel as of now."
Irrfan had shared the news of illness on Twitter earlier.
On the work front, Irrfan’s next film 'Karwaan' is set to release on August 10.
Irrfan's underworld film opposite Deepika Padukone has been rescheduled by the makers till the time the actor gains full fitness.