Women’s Sexual Expression Inhibited Due To Conditioning
Looking sheepish, the young man consulted me to find out whether he had contracted some sexually-transmitted infection
Looking sheepish, the young man consulted me to find out whether he had contracted some sexually-transmitted infection. He had had unprotected sex with a call girl recently. “What can a man do when the wife is frigid?” he said to justify his behavior.
‘Frigid’ is often misinterpreted to suggest a cold and unloving nature. It is a term that was used to describe sexual unresponsiveness until the path breaking studies by the pioneers in the field of sexuality experts, and Johnsons and Helen Kaplan. They categorized the physiological events that take place in the woman’s body during the sexual act. The advantage in this categorization is that today we can zero in on the exact phase of the response cycle where the woman has the problem.
Why were women ‘frigid’?
Cultural conditioning could be cited as the main cause. Sex was confused with sin. Sexual love was considered to be lust and hence looked down upon. The ideal woman was one who was chaste and virginal. Her priced virginity was an offering only to be sacrificed at the altar of marriage to her husband alone.
Man in a patriarchal society has been given the privilege of sexual experimentation. Hence, he expresses his sexuality openly whereas a woman, through thousands of years of conditioning is inhibited when it comes to expressing the same.
What are the reasons for ‘frigidity’?
‘Frigidity’ is a relative term, when one’s own desire is used as a yardstick for judging the other partner’s desire. The reasons for these disorders could be manifold and differ from one individual to the other. Some may
be categorized as physical or psychological or socio cultural. Chronic ill-health, diabetes, kidney problems, menstrual disorders, consumption of medicines like blood pressure drugs, tranquilizers, oral contraceptive pills or anti-depressants, arthritis, a lax vagina etc can reduce sexual desire in a woman.
Disenchantment with the mate, breakdown in interpersonal relationship, perception or anticipation of lack of pleasure in sex, fear of pain in sex, early traumatic sexual experiences, lesbian orientation, body-image concerns, depression, guilt, anxiety, fear, phobias, sexual problems of the spouse etc. are other pertinent causative factors.
The writer is a sexologist. Mail him at
Overcoming the problem
Tips for men: Do not stigmatize your spouse.
Understand and nurture her.
For women:
Don’t feel victimized
Learn to be comfortable with your sexuality
Express your needs / feelings.
For both:
Seek professional help
Ice forms only in freezing temperatures. It melts when exposed to warmth. A man who shows warmth can turn a cold woman into a hot-blooded passionate lover.