When Pleasure Becomes Pain

It starts with a question, “Was it good?” And for generations, women have learnt to answer that question with a smile, a shrug, or at worst, silence. Somewhere between romantic comedies, steamy song sequences and the endless cultural script that tells women sex is supposed to hurt “the first few times”, discomfort became normalised. Endurance became intimacy. And speaking up? That remained awkward, even taboo.

But, thanks to Bollywood actor Neha Dhupia, the conversation around ‘Sex’ and “Ahh-gasm” has jumped out of the bedroom into the living rooms, offices and college canteens.

Ahh-gasm cleverly flips the idea of an “orgasm” on its head. Instead of pleasure, it gives a name to something many women know all too well — that involuntary “ahh” born not from ecstasy, but from pain, discomfort or simply enduring an experience that was supposed to feel good. Cheeky and catchy, the term has struck a chord with millions of women across the country, turning a viral catchphrase into a much-needed conversation on women's sexual wellness!

The “Ahh” Effect “Ahh can be both positive and negative. It can be a sigh of joy or of pain.” says Dr. Tanaya Narendra aka (Dr Cuterus), MBBS, MSc (Oxon) & FRSPH. Dr Tanaya emphasises that when it comes to intimacy, pain should never be part of the “package deal.” While first-time sex may bring a fleeting moment of unfamiliarity or mild discomfort, persistent or sharp pain is far from normal and deserves attention, not endurance.

The reasons can vary from an overly tense pelvic floor, often linked to anxiety or conditions such as endometriosis, to inadequate lubrication caused by hormonal changes, menopause or even stress itself. In other words, if the only thing making someone say "ahh" is discomfort, it's time to pause rather than push through. She stresses that recurring pain during sex isn't something to simply live with. It's something that should be evaluated by a sexual medicine physician.

One of the most significant conversations emerging from the trend is consent. Not simply the act of agreeing to sex, but the ability to communicate during it. Consent isn't a one-time checkbox. A person can consent to intimacy but not to discomfort. They can ask to slow down. They can change their mind. They can simply say, “This hurts.” Unfortunately, many people are raised believing stopping midway is awkward or disappointing for their partner.

“Repeated experiences of painful or unwanted sex can affect much more than a person’s sexual life.” explains Dr. Archana Nanduri, a Counselling Psychologist from Hyderabad.

Point being, when intimacy is repeatedly associated with pain, fear, pressure or emotional distress, it can begin to affect how someone sees themselves, their body and their relationships. Over time, the mind and body may start anticipating discomfort even before intimacy takes place.

Dr Nanduri explains that many individuals begin questioning their self-worth, attractiveness or whether their needs and comfort matter. Some develop anxiety around intimacy, lose confidence or start avoiding physical closeness altogether because they associate it with fear rather than connection. Repeatedly feeling unable to express discomfort or set boundaries can also erode trust and emotional safety within a relationship.

Let’s Talk About Sex

“I have met women who genuinely love and care for their partners but still find themselves becoming tense or unable to relax during intimacy,” Dr Nanduri says. “This is not always a reflection of a lack of love or desire. Often, it is the body's natural response to repeated experiences of pain, fear or emotional distress.”

Dr Tanaya quips, “Sex is never just a physical act. It is both a mental and physical experience.” She explains that sexual health is best understood through the biopsychosocial model, which looks at how biological, psychological and social factors together influence a person's sexual well-being. Stress, anxiety, relationship dynamics, past experiences and physical health can all shape how someone experiences intimacy, making it important to look beyond just physical symptoms.

Communication Is Key

“Communication is one of the strongest forms of intimacy,” says Komal Rathi, a Relationship Coach & Content Creator. She opines that couples often discuss everything from finances to parenting but avoid talking openly about their sexual comfort, preferences, boundaries or fear.

Rathi explains that creating a safe space to ask simple questions like, “Does this feel comfortable?”, “What do you enjoy?” or “Is there anything you'd like us to do differently?” can make a significant difference. “Good intimacy doesn't begin in the bedroom, it begins with honest conversations,” Komal adds, adding that when partners feel heard and respected, intimacy becomes far more comfortable and fulfilling.

The conversation around the so-called “Ahh-gasm” isn't really about coining a catchy term, it's about challenging a silence that has existed for far too long. Intimacy isn't meant to be an endurance test, nor should pain be dismissed as a routine part of love or marriage. Good intimacy isn't about mind-reading. It’s simply about listening.