The Usual Baits Of Floodlighting Dates

Floods & Storms

“Sharing too much, too fast and intensely with someone you are in a relationship, often in a way that overwhelms or creates emotional pressure defines flood lighting in the best way,” says Dr Swapna Patker, a Psychologist, Dream and Happiness Co.

Dr Swapna terms this behaviour a ‘bombardment of personal information’ so as to speed up things in a relationship. This usually applies to relationships that have just begun to bloom. She explains that many individuals get into the habit of sharing personal information even when the depth of such information doesn’t match the stage of the relationship. Dr Swapna quips, “At a very early stage a lot that’s too intricate is shared to pull the partner into their chaos and life.” Sangeeta Manglani, a Relationship Coach and Psychologist says, “Floodlighting in relationships is like stepping into a quiet, dimly lit room and suddenly flipping on every emotional light bright, blinding and intense.”

The other person feels like a deer caught in headlights. With no time to process emotions or adjust or find enough head space to digest what’s thrown forth. Sangeeta explains, “Things don’t work this way, emotional intimacy needs time to bloom and flooding that place too quickly can push people away instead of drawing them in.”

Identifying Markers

“When conversations feel one-sided, emotionally loaded or the feeling of ‘too much too soon’, remember it’s a red flag,” says Komal Rohit Mall, a relationship consultant. It starts with one partner simply dropping heavy topics in an unexpected way. The need for constant reassurance or a 24/7 longing for emotional availability are other markers one needs to look out for. Komal says, “Any real connection builds gently, floodlighting skips that safety and asks the other to catch emotions they weren’t ready for”

Other markers to look out for could be depictions of a person being emotionally vulnerable. Or the urge to create sympathy to draw people closer. The goal is simple: you strike at the other suddenly, depict your emotional vulnerability and win the person’s sympathy.

Deeply Rooted Causes

While floodlighting is an evil tactic used by some. There could be instances that such traits reflect much about the person portraying it. There are causes that often go deep, yet unnoticed. Dr Swapna says, “People feel that by being open, they’ll secure emotional closeness faster.”

In other words, it’s like testing loyalty in the first shot since you know everything about me. There could be other causes like unhealed trauma and anxiety or attachment issues that could trigger such behaviours. People who fear the other leaving them would always use floodlighting as a tool to emotionally cling on. Sangeeta says, “When floodlighting comes from a place of insecurity or fear or abandonment, a partner may rush to create closeness out of a fear that the other person might just leave if they feel no spark.” Many times, individuals who engage in such extreme behaviours come from tough childhood environments. With love being either conditional or inconsistent.

It’s also important to know that not all floodlighting is manipulative. Some people are naturally expressive and have grown up either in emotionally open or closed spaces.

Floodlighting is fraught with risks and disadvantages. Sangeeta says, “Vulnerability is a beautiful emotion but only when it’s shared in safe, paced and consensual ways.” A healthy nudging question for self should be: “Am I sharing this because I feel safe and connected, or because I fear losing that connection.” Dr Swapna reiterates that not everyone who ‘floodlights’ is manipulative. However, there’s a clear distinction to take note of. She says, “It’s important to recognize when vulnerability is used as a tactic rather than a bridge.”

Perhaps, relationships have always been a two-way street. It isn’t for one to start floodlighting and serve as an impediment to the other!