The Silent Pain of the Sandwich Generation

While India’s young adults increasingly treat therapy as a form of self-care, spoken about openly on social media and folded into everyday vocabulary, a large section of the population remains missing from the mental health conversation: people in their 40s and 50s. Often described as the sandwich generation, they are wedged between raising children and caring for ageing parents, carrying the weight of financial responsibility, emotional labour and unacknowledged grief. What they are experiencing looks like stress, burnout and despair, but is rarely named as mental health.

Stressful Period

“Mental health concerns in older adults often come through the body first,” says Rashi Vidyasagar, a criminologist and crisis interventionist who works closely with individuals and families in distress. “They don’t usually come saying they are anxious or depressed. A therapist has to help them notice patterns — frequent illness, recurring pain — and connect them to emotional stress.”

In India, where emotional endurance has long been valorised as strength, this disconnect is common. Distress is absorbed and fatigue is normalised. Anger is swallowed. Sadness is postponed indefinitely. The body becomes the messenger for what the mind has been trained to suppress.

This dynamic plays out in countless Indian homes. Kartik Chawla (name changed), an MBA student, grew up watching his parents cycle through arguments followed by long silences. Conflict was frequent, resolution rare. His mother attributed her depression and staying long hours in bed to sinus problems; his father blamed work pressure for his short temper and alcoholism. Doctors were consulted, medicines taken, routines adjusted — but the emotional tension remained unscathed.

“The tension was terrible” Kartik recalls. “Despite acknowledging it, we were unable to truly change anything. The cycles continued, and sometimes erratic behaviour terrified me.”

Trapped In The Middle

People in their 40s and 50s occupy a uniquely pressurised position. Many are financially supporting children through expensive education while simultaneously managing medical, emotional and logistical care for ageing parents. Job insecurity, stagnant wages and rising healthcare costs add to the strain. Personal desires — rest, reflection, even basic leisure are sometimes deferred indefinitely.

Kanika Singh, a Goa-based psychologist and family therapist, says, “One of the greatest challenges of the sandwich generation is the increased cost of caring for two generations at the same time. Most of them are the sole breadwinners. They are stressed and emotionally drained, but have no respite.”

Vidyasagar has known and worked with caregivers in this age group, including parents raising children with chronic illnesses or neurodevelopmental conditions. “There is no space to think about themselves,” she says. “Some spoke about grieving the life they imagined they would have. Therapy isn’t even a consideration when survival takes priority.”

Grief, in these cases, is not always about death. It is about lost possibilities: careers paused, relationships strained, dreams quietly abandoned. Yet because this grief lacks a socially recognised form, it remains invisible, even to those experiencing it.

In Kartik’s family, that pressure slowly hardened into resentment and conflict. His parents viewed marital stress as something to be endured rather than addressed. Arguments were framed as normal, inevitable, even necessary. When Kartik first raised the possibility of therapy, it was met with skepticism. He quickly realised that clinical language only heightened defensiveness.

Family Matters

Cultural ideas around privacy remain one of the biggest barriers to mental healthcare for this generation. The belief that family matters should stay within the home Ghar ki baat ghar mein, continues to shape how distress is handled. Vidyasagar notes that technology has not bridged this gap as much as one might expect. “Younger people encounter new ideas through social media,” she says. “But older adults’ WhatsApp groups often mirror their real-life circles.”

Vidyasagar cautions against presenting therapy as a universal solution. “Younger people sometimes believe therapy fixes everything,” she says. However, community, religion and routine have helped people cope for generations. If therapy isn’t the path, something healthy still needs to be. For many in this generation, resilience has been built through social networks, spiritual practices, and daily structure. The problem arises when these supports erode — through urban isolation, migration, or the breakdown of joint family systems, without being replaced by new ones. Singh has some practical tips for the sandwich generation. “If your kids are adults, then seek help with household work. If they are earning, then ask them to contribute towards household expenses.”

The pressure on the sandwich generation is real. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to this issue. But as India’s population ages, it is a reality that will dawn on every family. The least we can do is give sandwich carers a generous helping of a healthy support system.

The Juggling Act

• The Sandwich Generation refers to people in their 40s and 50s who are wedged between raising kids and caring for ageing parents.

• Many are reeling under work pressure, financial insecurity, stress, and burnout. Some have anxiety, depression, and mental health issues, but hardly any access to mental health support.

• Job insecurity, stagnant wages and rising healthcare costs add to the strain.

Practical Tips

• Seek Family Help: Ask adult kids to help with household work (cooking, cleaning and laundry). If they are earning, it’s reasonable to ask them to contribute to household expenses.

• Set Boundaries: It is okay to draw some boundaries and have some time for yourself. You do not need to answer calls or be there during your ‘Me Time.’

• Support System: There is nothing wrong with seeking support from external caregivers for ageing parents, or babysitters for kids, while you are at work or out for some leisure time.