Even Dads Experience Postpartum Depression

Most new fathers are flooded with joy and pride when they cradle their newborn, but there are some men who are hit by Paternal Postpartum Depression (PPD). Just like young mothers. The difference is that many fathers who go through PPD suffer silently without telling anybody.

Paternal Blues is a reality. Sangeeta Manglani, a Relationship Coach & Spiritual psychologist says that after a baby is born, many new dad’s quietly experience anxiety, and even a sense of sadness or disconnection. The emotional toil experienced is the same for both parents. Fathers feel the brunt and newness of a child just like any other member in the house. Sangeeta explains, “Sleep patterns change, one’s sense of identity shifts and layers of responsibility get added.”

Men At Work

Many people don’t realize that men aren’t machines. They may be perceived as primary providers but the notion of a man being strong, working for his family and not talking about his feelings is long gone. Sangeeta says, “Emotions don’t follow old rules. Fathers feel too, but they haven’t been given permission to express it.”

Dr P. Madhurima Reddy, Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach from Hyderabad opines that most men aren’t even aware of this condition. She speaks of women experiencing maternal postpartum depression mainly due to hormonal changes. However, this pattern differs for men. Dr Madhurima says, “For men if they don’t take care of themselves physically, mentally or even emotionally it just shows up in other things.” This could be through bouts of frustration and helplessness translating into one’s dealings at work, in the house or even while with friends and family.

Speak Up Man!

“After the birth of my first child, I felt moments of withdrawal, a lack of motivation to continue, even a creeping sense of guilt and uselessness.” says Deepak Gopakumar, Managing Director, Vijayalakshmi Medical Centre from Kerala.

Like Deepak, it can be maddening when one constantly tries to juggle between responsibilities, lack of sleep, and financial constraints. Deepak says, “Another trigger is the internal conflict between wanting to be present for your family and being stretched by professional commitments.” There is also natural sidelining that happens in terms of emotional belongingness. Where the baby would naturally be more dependent on the mother, leading to moments of emotional isolation for the other partner.

Silent Suffering

Not many men are even aware of PPD and suffer silently. Men are often conditioned to push through or man up. The end result: Don’t talk about it, just pretend it doesn’t exist. Some fear stigma from society. Worse still, despite waves of exhaustion, mood swings, and anxiety, many men stay silent. Deepak shares that when it comes to men, they choose not to cry or talk about it. “In my case, it showed up as irritability, with a feeling of guilt and I even felt suicidal.”

A Way Out

But there are ways to tackle PPD. Sangeeta shares how many new fathers don’t realize that what they feel is normal. “Saying the problem out loud breaks the suffering cycle.” Some fathers could even opt for parenting support groups where they feel heard by other newbie dads. Deepak says, “If you’re feeling unlike yourself don’t dismiss it, start by normalizing such conversations.”