Childhood Loneliness A Matter Of Concern

Quiet Beginnings

“Childhood loneliness is the quiet, invisible pain of not feeling emotionally seen or connected. It can leave lasting marks on the brain and mind of a person,” says Dr Kavita Pant, Counselling Psychologist.

Dr Kavita opines that even in households that seem joyous and vibrant, strands of such loneliness stay present. She says, “Childhood loneliness shapes the way a child loves and trusts even in his or her adulthood.”

Childhood loneliness isn’t always loud. Often, it is the quiet kid sitting in the corner. The one last picked in dodgeball or the one who simply hides his or her tears. It’s more about skipping the school picnic, not because you’re too cool, but because no one really asked. Fast forward 20 years, and that same kid might be functioning as an adult with a job and an apartment, but deep down lie sheets of silence and trauma that go unanswered or unseen. Dr Kavita adds, “From a psychological point of view, it's an absence of secure attachment, not just someone to play with but having someone that you can blindly trust.”

Adulting Hits Hard

“It’s all about not feeling seen or heard,” explains Riddhi Doshi Patel, Child Psychologist and Parenting Counsellor from Mumbai. She points out that loneliness in childhood doesn’t necessarily come from being alone, but from emotional disconnection.

Riddhi says, “A child may grow up in a full household, yet may feel completely isolated if their emotions are dismissed or overlooked.” This lack of emotional support or presence is what bears fruit to episodes of childhood loneliness crawling into one’s future. Riddhi adds, “When a child’s thoughts, fears or needs are not acknowledged, they internalise the idea that they have no worth or that they don’t matter.”

What follows next is that as adults, these individuals often carry an evident fear of rejection, one that's rooted in those early experiences of despair.

Fear of Dejection

“They have a lot of struggles in creating relationships, and even if such are created, they can’t nurture them for too long.” However, it's not just about emotions being projected outward. Most individuals with childhood loneliness carry the burden of a lack of self-worth well into adulthood.

Riddhi Doshi says, “They just are unable to see themselves as being worthy of anything.” Dr Riddhi speaks of how adulthood doesn’t help one much. She explains that even if a child or an adult grows socially, he or she yet faces episodes of withdrawal, trauma and fear.

She says, “Such individuals constantly feel as if someone is watching them, someone is unhappy with them or that the other person wants to leave them.” Point being, such patterns continue in one’s life unless one grows conscious of addressing such issues either via professional help or self-introspection.

Brain at Risk

What's worse is that Childhood loneliness isn’t simply a psychological phenomenon. It can pierce through the brain. Impacting the way the brain develops. Furthermore, prolonged feelings of isolation in childhood are linked to changes in the brain regions involved in emotional regulation, such as the amygdala and prefrontal cortex. Dr Kavita explains, “Increased activity in the amygdala leads to greater sensitivity to any kind of rejection or criticism.”

Other changes include difficulty in the brain processing unpleasant emotions, or even a sharp decline in dopamine levels. Dr Kavita adds, “What's most concerning is that such conditions may also trigger early brain ageing as recently found by many studies.”

Not just that, the way one reacts to stress, too, may be a little hampered. For instance, such regions of the brain may be more vulnerable to being triggered easily.

Seek Help

All in all, childhood loneliness doesn’t just fade with age. It mutates. What begins as silent isolation in a child’s bedroom can evolve into emotional detachment, trust issues, or chronic self-doubt in adulthood.

It seeps into relationships, infiltrates professional ambitions, and quietly erodes one’s sense of well-being. The tragedy is twofold: the world remains blind to your struggle, while you, in turn, keep driving nails of blame into yourself.

Riddhi says, “Ways to cope with this lie in therapy and only therapy.” Additionally, they can invest in efforts to improve their social relationships or spend more time in realising one’s own worth. She also suggests that engaging in art forms would help immensely. It could be anything- painting, singing, dancing or anything one feels joyous in. Perhaps the key lies in addressing the wound, not ignoring it!