Bringing Up Sensitive Sons

The recent sensational news report about a retired lady Judge and her son being arrested for domestic / dowry harassment leading to the suicide of the young daughter-in-law of the house raises some pertinent issues.

The feeling of entitlement men have because of their gender is shaped by a patriarchal society. Unfortunately, in a male-dominated society, women tend to internalize the attitudes of the men they are with – father, brother or husband – and many women behave like ‘super males.’ They inadvertently pass the patriarchal attitudes to their sons, who go on to become fathers, brothers and husbands. The men, on their part, often lack the discernment to see the basic fallacy in such behaviour.

Both parents together create a child. But since a child’s bonding is usually more with the mother, the onus of instilling sensitivity in children falls on her. She has the greater responsibility of making her son more sensitive, responsive and receptive to a woman’s rights and needs, by virtue of the fact that she usually gets to spend more time with him than his father does.

A few pointers to mothers:

· You are who your children will be — you are constantly being watched. So make sure you are the right one to watch.

· Build character in your son. Stress that ‘manliness’ is not expressed by the suppression of a woman by force.

· Encourage him to give vent to emotions like grief and fear, and reach out. This is actually evidence of courage.

· In times of dispute, a man must have the ability to negotiate, compromise. That’s a gift only a mother can give.

· Remember, you, too, were also a new daughter-in-law once.

· Treat your daughter-in-law as your daughter.

· Why demand dowry when you are getting ‘Mahalakshmi’?

The writer is a sexologist. Mail him at dr.narayana@deccanmail.com