Born Together, Torn Apart
In politics and business, when siblings clash, the fallout is dramatic and public. Tensions between KT Rama Rao and sister Kavita reportedly over power and position in the BRS party is the latest in the long line of sibling relationships tested by ambition and favouritism
From the Bollywood blockbuster Deewar to the American television series Game of Thrones, the theme of sibling rivalry has been showcased time and again on screens. Perhaps the earliest reference to sibling rivalry is in the Old Testament, where a jealous Cain, elder son of Adam and Eve, murders his brother Abel, as the latter was favoured by God.
Both history and the present have ample instances of animosity between siblings. Many of these rivalries, that could have had their roots in childhood or teenage, were carried on into adulthood, often leading to breakdown of communication. In extreme cases, there have been murders, cheating on ancestral property and even passing down of the hostility to the next generation.
Must treat all kids equally
Sibling rivalry stems from multiple factors. Elaborating, Dr Jyoti Kapoor, senior psychiatrist and founder-director of Manasthali, says, “Right from childhood, siblings vie for parental attention and affection. Also, when a new baby arrives, the older child may feel insecure and ignored. Therefore, the relationship between siblings often depends on family dynamics, especially how parents handle the situation in an unbiased manner, treating all kids equally.
Continuing, she says, “comparison between the children by parents, teachers, relatives and society also impacts siblings, making one feel inferior and the other superior.
According to Dr Jyoti, the intrinsic nature or personality of children also has a bearing on sibling rivalry. “Some children are more insecure and jealous, or have deep-rooted pathological rivalry. One of them may have a psychological disorder. These manifest in adulthood as unresolved issues,” she says.
“As they grow up, the rivalry is no longer limited to toys, books, cosmetics and school grades. As adults, sisters may compete over the same boyfriend, over beauty and looks, family life or their children’s achievements, while for male siblings, professional achievement, success in business and higher education, societal status and money or property-related disputes can trigger a rift. They tend to become closer to friends than siblings, live separately and communicate sparingly. Interpersonal trust may break down beyond repair,” explains Dr Jyoti.
Age gap factor
“It has been observed that the lower the age gap between the siblings, the more the competition and rivalry, as both children have the same requirements around the same time. Where the age gap is high – eight to ten years – the siblings tend to be disconnected and the elder one usually plays a parental role. However, three or more kids can lead to groupism among themselves,” says consultant psychiatrist Dr Aparna Ramakrishnan from Kokilaben D A Hospital, Mumbai.