Against all odds, The power of choice
When bad things happen to us, we can choose how to respond
By : Kakoli Mukherjee
Update: 2025-01-27 18:40 GMT
In his book ‘Hillbilly Elegy,’ American vice-president JD Vance gives a glimpse into his difficult childhood. His parents split when he was a toddler and he was adopted by his stepfather. His mother, who was addicted to prescription drugs, was often unstable and violent. His grandparents added to the dysfunctionality of his family — his grandpa was an alcoholic and his grandma was a “violent non-drunk.”
What seemed to have helped him in rising above his circumstances and making his way to the White House is his refusal to be a victim. He says in his book that his grandma once told him: “Never be like these f***ing losers who think the deck is stacked against them.”
The first millennial vice-president of the US understood pretty early in life that it was his responsibility to find a way out of the odds stacked against him.
In a similar vein, Arnold Schwarzeneg-ger, actor and former politician, has emphasized repeatedly that even when we are stuck in the darkest pit in life, we can still choose how to respond to the despair around us. He had an alcoholic father who did not think much before physically abusing his son. Though the actor has made peace with his father and recognises the valuable lessons he has received from his dad, the relationship, he confessed, has always been complicated. In his book ‘Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life’, he describes that ‘being useful’ was one of the greatest lessons he received from his father. Schwarzenegger’s strategy was to look for pinpricks of light even in pitch darkness. He maintained that even if his life was not like those who are blessed with non-abusive family members, he had his blessings too, as all his experiences made him the man he is today.
Actress Demi Moore, who recently won the ‘Best Actress in a musical or comedy film’ Golden Globe award, chronicles her abusive childhood in painful details in her book ‘Inside Out’. The actress grew up in an unstable home and was raped by a family friend when she was 15. For years, she says, she did not consider it rape but something she was expected to oblige. She also details her struggles with alcoholism and a tumultuous marriage with actor Ashton Kutcher. It was a health scare that forced the actress to redirect her life and work on herself. Bit by bit, she started focussing on what’s important and stopped seeking validation from the external world.
Whatever be our circumstances, recognising that we still have some agency in the face of grave adversity can nudge us towards a different life.