Don’t Put Yourselves at End, Shobhaa De Tells Women
In trying to protect girls, families often end up killing their sense of desire
HYDERABAD: Acclaimed writer Shobhaa De, a Deccan Chronicle columnist, has cautioned women that if they put themselves at the end of their priority list, they should not expect the world to do otherwise.
Speaking at an exclusive gathering of women, she said, “Consent is a very, very big word. And within marriage it’s an even bigger word,” she said, adding later, “If you put yourself last on your own priority list, don’t blame the world for doing the same.”
Referring to her book on ‘The Sensual Self: Explorations of Love, Sex & Romance’, she spoke about desire, sensuality, prioritising self and consent.
De spoke about desire not as a fashionable idea but as something that has been policed, misunderstood, and erased, often by the very people who claim to protect women.
“Society discourages even the mention of desire very early,” she said. In conservative homes, she went on, the word itself is unthinkable. “In trying to protect girls, families often end up killing their sense of desire.”
She also spoke about how little girls grow into brides without any real preparation for what intimacy involves and further speaking on a far more immediate reality, especially for younger generations growing up online, De said, “If you don’t allow children to express themselves, they will seek answers elsewhere, and you won’t have control over those sources,” she said.
The question of control itself, she argued, no longer makes sense. “How much can you police? You can’t. They will access what they want to access.”
She returned, in the end, to the question of responsibility, and she did not let it rest with society alone. “No one else is curbing your priorities,” she said. “You are.” If you decide to come last, the world will follow your lead.”