Emotional Labour: The Silent Burden We All Carry

Did you notice something in common? In all these scenarios, the person is putting others' emotional needs and desires first.

All the above scenarios are an example of emotional labour.

Emotional Labour means to regulate or manage one's emotions in order to meet someone's expectations. It can happen anywhere, be it a job, role, social custom, family relationships and friends.

In her book, The Managed Heart, sociologist Arlie Russel Hochschild coined the term, Emotional Labour in 1983. Although the term was described as the specific form of work expected of workers in the industry. The term has expanded, and includes all the forms of emotional work that happened in home, communities, work, and everyday social interactions.

Emotional labour is present everywhere:

At workplaces where employees have to manage their emotions to fit into the professional expectations of their job.

For instance, a teacher is expected to be patient and positive, regardless of how challenging the classroom may be.

Within families too, a person deals with it, though it often goes unseen, as a member tries to keep peace, manage emotions, and maintain relationships.

For instance, when a partner constantly checks on everyone, if they are doing okay, remembers birthdays or tries to smooth over family conflicts. Or when a child or partner tries to comfort other family members, even when they are emotionally drained themselves.

Emotional labour sometimes occurs in our day to day interactions as well, sometimes with friends or acquaintances.

For instance, listening to others' problems emphatically, even when you are not in a good mood. Or while trying to mediate in arguments or act cheerful to keep the mood of people around positive.

So, emotional labor is at the heart of many of our daily interactions. But what does it mean for our well-being, and why should we care about it?

This emotional labor plays a key role in maintaining harmonious relationships, whether at work or at home. In the workplace, it enhances customer satisfaction and teamwork. Within families and friendships, it fosters connection and understanding.

So, emotional labor is at the heart of many of our daily interactions. But what does it mean for our well-being, and why should we care about it?

But at the same time it drains our energy, leading to emotional exhaustion and burn out at work, resentment and fatigue at home and emotional burnout at other social interactions.

While emotional labor plays a crucial role in many aspects of life, its impact goes beyond just maintaining relationships, it can also affect our emotional well-being

When emotional labor becomes one-sided, it can lead to emotional exhaustion, burnout, and resentment. Over time, if not recognized and addressed, it can seriously affect mental health and personal relationships

It does not involve just performing tasks but engaging emotionally with others in a way that aligns with social expectations, by expressing warmth, emptiness, patience, and care.

The regulation of emotions involves controlling one's emotions to present a certain image or emotional response to others. It frequently arises due to the societal expectations of how people behave in a specific situation, and around a particular gender.

However, these expectations are generally pronounced for women, or in other words, women do the most emotional labour.

Our society reinforces women to do more emotional work. Societal expectations shape women and many times pressures them to behave a certain way and do a specific work whether physically or emotionally.

Meanwhile, these societal expectations also place constraints on men. Men are often discouraged from expressing vulnerability or engaging in emotional caregiving, leading to emotional suppression and a reluctance to engage in emotional labor. This imbalance not only burdens women but also prevents men from fully participating in emotionally supportive roles, contributing to unhealthy gender dynamics in relationships and communities.

The gender norms that are constructed by society, expect men and women in those lines only. Women are expected and even taught to be emotionally available to people close to her, to mediate in conflicts and even to handle the relationships, while men are expected to focus on physical tasks, problem solving and maintaining status, which reduces the emotional work from their side.

On average, women do have higher levels of oxytocin compared to men, which is also called "bonding hormone," which is linked to empathy, social bonding and caregiving.

Some studies even suggest that between emotional and social cognition, women may have stronger connectivity, which could make reading of emotions and responding emphatically, more natural. However, these responses are averages and are heavily influenced by environment and learning. That means, they do not make women inherently responsible for emotional work.

While biology may play a role in emotional awareness, it’s the societal norms and gender roles that predominantly shape who does the emotional labor. Recognizing and addressing these expectations is the first step toward balancing the emotional work in our relationships, workplaces, and society.