A Deeper Look at Bashed Ego

Most people go on ego trips at the drop of a hat and often get bruised. And if you are someone with ‘Ego Ideal’ perceptions of yourself then it is a matter of concern. In simple terms, it essentially is the individual’s view of their perfect self, often an idealized version of who they are, and who they wish to be. However, this concept gets butchered when society shoves down its notions of “perfectionism”.

Aparna Verma, a Counselling Psychologist and Co-Founder of Manovriti says that ‘Ego Ideal’ serves as the compass that guides an individual to be an image of what one ‘should or ought to be’ ideally”. The journey towards such pursuits may seem enticing but one could feel burdened with an often-unattainable vision. Many individuals may even be tough on themselves simply as they fear rejection and failure. Such individuals could also have trauma baggage in the form of abuse, criticism or emotional neglect from their surroundings.

These notions of perfectionism that ego ideals try to foster are quite often exaggerated pursuits. While these colourful notions may involve genuine strengths and skills, the ideal self (sadly) is often far from reality. Aparna shares how ego ideals tend to be a hiding space for some. “Ego ideals emphasize and feed on the notion of perfectionism, they act as a mask that conceals an individual’s flaws rather than acknowledge them.”

Simply put, it’s more about aligning one’s actual reality with one’s ego ideal. For instance, if a person’s actions align with their ego ideal, they may experience bursts of pride, satisfaction or fulfilment. On the other hand, any tiny failure to meet or match reality with the ego ideal could result in feelings of guilt, shame or even depression. Priya Parulekar, a Clinical Psychologist from Mumbai says, “An Ego ideal is not a true indicator of personality, here it’s the person who sadly creates a perfect picture of themselves.”

What’s worse is that many times individuals find themselves caught in this vicious cycle. Priya says, “Society plays the most powerful role in pushing Ego idealism on individuals”

Social spaces like schools, colleges, digital media and even religious institutions and family dictate how one conforms to societal expectations. Society may have its way of normative behaviour. Standards that a common set of people consider as ‘desirable’ and impose on people. Aparna Verma says, “When societal ideals become extreme, they can also trigger many mental health issues such as anxiety, depression or burnout.” All this just to fit into an ‘ideal construct’ gifted by society. Aparna says, “While societal structures provide motivation and a framework for progress, they can also be relentless in enforcing and imposing unrealistic standa