It’s a wrap! The year’s almost done. And it’s time to take stock, of the best and the worst, the delightful and the disastrous. Instead of giving you a straight list, here’s letting you into our email chat about Bollywood 2015.
KM: My year at the movies wasn’t much to write home or anywhere about. There were absolutely no five stars over my sky. Four-star movies I can count on two fingers, three stars well okay, a few... and zero stars there are more than I’d like to remember during this lifetime.
SS: Yes. It was the worst of times and well, okay-okay types. The Messenger of God made two hair-raising appearances in crochet and knit overalls.
KM: Suparna, congratulations for surviving those. I skipped them and happily so. Most of everything else I saw was of habit, even Kis Kisko Pyaar Karoon. I know it was successful, Abbas-Mustan do have a zany sense of humour but Kapil Sharma isn’t my bag of tea.
SS: Eeeeeeks. I missed that. Fell ill, I think in anticipation.
KM: Ha ha, but why are we talking about the Worst of 2015? We have to talk of the Best of the worst?
SS: The best this year for me was Bajrangi Bhaijaan. It was a masterclass in the power of commercial cinema.
KM: I’d go with that halfway. Bajrangi Bhaijaan was the Best Film of the Year for sure. But I wouldn’t equate it with a masterclass for heaven’s sake. For me the imperishable masterclass remains Manmohan Desai’s Amar Akbar Anthony.
SS: Really?! AAA?!
KM: Bajrangi Bhaijan is not definitive commercial cinema. The heroine, Kareena Kapoor, had as much to do as a junior artiste. The chicken song gave me the heebie jeebies. And the second-half went helter skelter.
SS: Nooooo. Bajrangi does exactly what AAA did — it was a consummate melodrama, a great entertainer and commented on all things political: chicken/meat-chomping, India-Pak, and it reclaimed Hanuman from the right-wing. But above all, it had Nawazuddin Siddiqui and that silent cutie. I didn’t miss Kareena. Too much kajal and always carrying machchar coil…
KM: I’d stick to AAA please. Star power, zany comedy, a compendium of clichés done with élan, Laxmikant-Pyarelal’s music score, a goofball called Zabisko… I could go on about Manmohan Desai’s funky fantasy for the entire space you have here… so please behave! We’re in agreement about Bajrangi Bhaijaan for the Best Film of 2015 mercifully. Nawazuddin was hilarious but give me the real-life TV anchor he was borrowed from. Casting the real life guy would have been a coup.
SS: Now that’s your inner director talking. The other films I really liked were Qissa, Titli and Tamasha.
KM: What do you mean “really” liked? Either you do or don’t. Yes, my off-mainstream movies to go to, in this order, were Masaan, Titli and Qissa.
SS: My best three in this order: Bajrangi, Titli, Qissa.
KM: My Best Critics’ Awards for performances would surely go to Vicky Kaushal and Richa Chadda in Masaan. Over to the Best Director, please?
SS: What’s the difference between Best Film and Best Director? This one always gets to me.
KM: Kabir Khan doesn’t have a distinct signature as a director... his Phantom was a mess. I’d still go with Kabir Khan as the Best Director of the year though… Bajrangi banked on Salman Khan entirely. Still, Kabir Khan projected him differently. No muscle display, he was kept on a leash and came off as a charmer. Moreover, several sequences, like the child’s disappearance from the train and her return to her homeland, were very emotionally done.
SS: But then no one has a more distinct signature than Sanjay Leela Bhansali. Why not him, for his glamorous opus ode to Ranveer Singh — Bajirao Mastani?
KM: Sanjay Leela Bhansali, sorry, I don’t belong to the school which admires sets, costumes, scale and humongous budgets. Bajirao Mastani left me colder than an igloo.
SS: It was more like Bhaji laao na, Mastani. Hehehe. I want to watch the film again, to count how many times Ranveer Singh is naked or flashing a nipple. But seriously, I agree with you about Kabir Khan.
KM: So Kabir Khan it is. Runners-up would be Imtiaz Ali for Tamasha and Anand L. Rai for Tanu Weds Manu Returns.
SS: Yeah! Imtiaz Ali is back! And how! Tamasha was such a fabulous men’s lib film. And after Ranbir Kapoor playing the dead and the dreary in Roy and Bombay Velvet, it was a delight to see him in such good form. Though in some sequences I felt he was channelling Edward Norton.
KM: Imtiaz Ali can be infuriatingly indulgent but this indulgence — non-linear structure, introspective bouts of a boy with pyschological baggage and the utopia of exotic locations, worked big time for me. Ed Norton? No I didn’t get that vibe at all. Norton’s been amazing in American History X... but that had a strong element of violence. Ranbir’s character of a Delhi yuppy who doesn’t want to be one, was on the softer, sentimental side.
SS: But in the middle, when he’s losing it and those bordering-on-violence outbursts. That’s where I saw Norton glimpses. But it was a lovely, lovely film. I wept so much. A love story around the theme of reclaiming your own life. Wah!
KM: Jaane bhi do Norton saab ko. Your take is your own, I disagree. You want to go into verbal fisticuffs over this one? If at all, Ranbir did a delightful take off on Dev Anand at one point and a tribute to his dad with that soliloquy before the mirror... Koi patthar se na maare mere deewane ko from Rishi Kapoor’s Laila Majnu.
SS: I thought the Dev Saab bits dragged. And tribute to Laila Majnu? That should be a big minus.
KM: You and your Norton. Before you get Nortony again, may I be permitted to pick my Best Actor of the Year? That’s Ranbir Kapoor, loud and clear. For me, none of your objections are a minus, they’re a plus in fact. My three Best Actors are Ranbir Kapoor (Tamasha), Salman Khan (Bajrangi) for his screen presence and Amitabh Bachchan for Piku, in that order.
SS: Best Actor of the Year for me is Irrfan Khan for Qissa, Talvar, Piku and even that Mummyji is back film — Jazbaa. No. 2 is Ranvir Shorey for Titli. No. 3 is Ranveer Singh, Bajirao Mastani.
KM: Okay, well, pasand apni apni. I like Irrfan Khan to death but apni apni pasand for the best of this year. Stop bulldozing me ma’am. (laughs)
SS: Ok, ok. You go first with the girls.
KM: Thank you! It’s been Deepika Padukone’s year unarguably. So my vote goes to DP for Piku, Kangana Ranaut for Tanu Weds Manu Returns and Priyanka Chopra in Bajirao Mastani, again in that order. Of course, you’ll say Priyanka was in a supporting role which wouldn’t be fair to her.
SS: Arre wah! We agree. Same to same for me. Kangana Ranaut for Tanu Weds Manu Returns, Deepika for Piku and Priyanka for Bajirao Mastani. But I also really liked the two girls in Titli — Shivani Raghuvanshi and Sarita Sharma.
KM: Stop procrastinating ji, for bests have to be decided firmly.
SS: Best is Kangana in Tanu, DP in Piku and Priyanka in BM… But Khalid, most of 2015 was actually spent in agony. I mean, look at the epic bores this year — Byomkesh Bakshi, Bombay Velvet, Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, Shaandaar, Dilwale... What do you think happens to good, even great directors, when they get money? For example, Dibakar Banerjee and Anurag Kashyap. I mean, garibi brings out their best and money seems to make them go kooky. Karan Johar as the villain Khambatta? He gets the award for the Most Bizarre Debut of the Year.
KM: Stop, we’re not getting into debuts here. I think we can go for our worsties. My three top aches and pains of the year were Hamari Adhuri Kahani... oh Vidya Balan tu ne yeh kya kiya... Shaandaar... Shahid Kapoor at his worst... and Bombay Velvet which showed that Anurag Kashyap suffers from delusions of grandeur. He should stick to the real and the hard-hitting. When the man who made Gangs of Wasseypur tries to get posh and retro-Hollywood, disaster strikes.
SS: For me the worst were Bombay Velvet, Shaandaar and Dilwale. I’d take Messenger of God 3 over these three.
KM: Dilwale I wouldn’t include... whenever Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol were on screen, I was goofily happy.
SS: Nahiiiinnnnn.
KM: Haaaaaaan... dil to thoda paagal hona chahiye.
SS: But Dilwale was so fake. Apart from DDLJ, I’ve not cared for this SRK-Kajol pair. They are a one-film couple. Not some janam-janam ka pyaar. Bombay Velvet was awful… an epic bore. There have been deluded attempts before, but few have been as self-satisfied and bombastic about their ambition as Anurag Kashyap was about this film. And he continued after the film as well. Saying main chala France. Pakki kutti with India. Isn’t he still here?
KM: Let’s not get personal, Suparna... or he’ll be lambasted for wanting to settle elsewhere.
SS: Shaandaar toh I don’t want to think about… I wrote “shit” and “potty” 20 times in my review... Yuck!
Which film are you looking forward to, 2016?
KM: Neerja, Raees, Sultan, Dangal, Mohenjo Daro and Ae Dil Hai Mushkil…
SS: Raees, Ae Dil Hai Mushkil, Amitabh Bachchan’s Wazir — because, pehla pyaar bhulaya nahin bhoolta, Jagga Jasoos and Ghayal Returns. Because, you know, Sunny Deol.
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