It’s so delightful to bond with a schoolfriend after ages, with a connect sans all façade and pretence. I met one recently and couldn’t take my eyes off her 50 carat diamond ring. She’d really done well for herself, I happily commented. A shadow crossed her face and it wasn’t long before she confided in me about being in an okay marriage without much friendship, companionship and shared moments of fun.
There are stories and stories of marriages to wealthy gentlemen — snidely referred to as ‘moneybags’ — but I have seen the veneer lose its sheen after a while. Life can be lonely, empty and dissatisfying when the only consideration for marriage has been money. As you look on at a laughing young couple paying their monthly installment for a sofa-cum-bed, having a bhelpuri dinner and catching a bus home, you see that there’s a lot more to it than just material satisfaction. When marriage happens for the right reasons, it makes life together a fun journey and not a compromise.
Am I suggesting that all wealthy couples are incompatible and all less endowed couples are companions? Definitely not. What I mean is that when a marriage is based on only material considerations and convenience, the compatibility and companionship are more often than not non-existent. So, there is sometimes a harmonious compromise with comfort and routine, but the partners look for friendship and excitement elsewhere. For a marriage to be fulfilling, the reasons for it must be mutual respect, care, companionship, compassion, peace and friendship. You then grow together in a fulfilling equation, mindful of each other’s needs. You are a complete unit without lacunas and angst because you are then happy in each other’s company.
Does this then mean that you don’t care if your partner has a job or ignore practical considerations like education, similar value systems, background and financial stability? Definitely not, because it is most important to be mindful of the practical aspects of life together, too.
If you look at the marriage of Shah Rukh Khan and Gauri who was then a Chibber, she was the wealthier partner among the two. But SRK managed to win her anyway because he has always had a brilliant sense of humour and full of love. They went through many ups and downs post marriage too but what worked for them? Their trust in each other, love, faith and support through the struggling days. The marital vows ‘for richer, for poorer’ reflects exactly that. Money is not everything but love, admiration and respect for one another is.
The author is a designer and luxury consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@-gmail.com Tweet to her at @nishjamvwal
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