Picture this: things didn’t work out with your partner and you two decide to end the relationship. After months, probably years of calling it quits, you learn that your ex will now join your organisation. Such situations may seem right out of a nightmare but it needs to be dealt with, for professional reasons. Life coaches we spoke to tell us that it isn’t easy, but there are a few ways to keep things cordial in a professional environment.
Be an adult about it
Twenty-seven-year old accountant, Sasha Vinayan was in for a rude shock when she was informed that her ex would now permanently be a part of her team earlier this year. She recalls, “The relationship didn’t end on a good note. So when I got to know from a colleague that he is going to be a part of the team, dealing with him on an every day basis was something I dreaded. It was a rude shock but I decided to prepare myself for the situation. One the first day it was awkward but I decided to be cordial as a colleague, since holding a grudge was going to negatively impact me.”
Life coach Sayali Bhagat gives Sasha’s attitude a thumbs up. She elaborates that it is important to make work priority, since personal battles in professional space could end up being ugly. She says, “In a professional space, one’s focal point should be the job for which the person is assigned for. The ex is the past — one is not going to get anything by pondering over it. Deal with your ex just like one would behave with their colleagues. Ultimately you are in your workplace; you shouldn’t forget that organisational goals need to be achieved.”
Little strategy, big difference
If physical distance is unavoidable, lifecoach Khyati Birla dispenses a few measures that could help one cope with this unwelcome development. She says, “If you have been resilient enough to go through the break up, you will emerge stronger out of this situation too. Keeping a positive and supportive emotional loop running in your head will help you focus on productivity instead of being self-conscious. Sometimes a short vacation can really help you understand your priorities as well.”
Life coach Milind Jadhav adds that accepting the circumstance and looking at it positively will make it easier. He says, “A stronger approach is to make your ex invisible to you while still working together in the same office as him/her. The discomfort of seeing your ex in your work environment is just a mind game. Dealing with the issue head on is how one grows stronger.”
Discuss with colleagues if needed
Khyati says that if colleagues are supportive, it isn’t a bad idea to talk it out with the people you trust. She says, “People at work today are as good as extended family since a lot of time is spent with them. If your work spouse is supportive and understanding, it can actually be a good idea to talk to him or her. The release will help you positively.”
