Temper check

Anger can wreck marriage and friendships and is one of the biggest banes in any relationship. Isn’t it much better to sort out any situation with composure and equanimity? There was once a king who had a beautiful daughter he had been trying to get married suitably for quite some time, but to no avail. No courtier or wise man dared advise him on the matter, but he was well aware of the reason. His villainous, uncontrollable temper bounded out unleashed at the smallest perceived cause. He had tried control, suppression and meditation. And of course, counting from one to 10 a hundred times. Finally, a prize was announced for a cure of his ailment. A wise physician came forth with a bottle of cool turquoise pills. “Every time you feel your ire rise, immediately have two of these with water. They are a sure cure,” he said. The next time the king felt his rage rise up, he had his attendants give him the pills and lo and behold! His temper did indeed cool down.

How many of us have had important opportunities and bonds go awry because of tempers ruining a good thing? Wouldn’t we all wish we had these pills? Any self-help book will tell you that the operative is to replace the negative emotion with a positive one. When you are sad, consciously transform the wavelength to happy by recalling a happy moment, a funny movie or an absurd or lovable moment with your adorable puppy.

Wise persons suggest that this is a difficult and time-consuming task. Often, anger involves people we deal with on a regular basis. You will agree that the intent to kill the aggressive autowala subsides quickly enough because it is a transient moment. But the most painful and regrettable moments of vengeful fury occur most often within the relationships closest to us.

“When I’m angry, my wife can go to hell! But let her have scalding milk burn her hand — my heart agonises with more pain than she’s feeling!” says a doting husband. So anger is love gone to the opposite pole for a moment. “Understanding and empathy are contemplative excercises that help better your approach towards your loved ones. After all, the moment of rage is transient. Maybe it is a misunderstanding? Empathy requires you to think about what you would have done in a similar situation. Often, you will find that you’d have done the same thing your partner did. The third trick is the spiritual understanding that we are all connected. Made by the same creator. Compassion is the key — imagine someone else lashing out at this close person — a turnaround indeed.

When the storm has blown over, you’ll feel happy with yourself for having controlled your temper. Try always to be the blessed angel that spreads love in all relationships — intense and caring.